actual medical chart notes......

  1. 1) Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

    2) Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

    3) On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day I disappeared.

    4) The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

    5) Discharge status. Alive, but without my permission.

    6) Healthy-appearing, decrepit, 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

    7) The patient refused autopsy.

    8) The patient has no previous history of suicides.

    9) Patient has left white blood cels at another hospital.

    10) Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the last three days.

    11) She is numb from her toes down.

    12) Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

    13) I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

    14) Skin, somewhat pale, but present.

    15) The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

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  2. 12 Comments

  3. by   Aussienurse2
    :roll :roll :roll :roll
  4. by   moni rn
    rofl!!!!

  5. by   Sleepyeyes
    :roll HAHAHAHA!!! :roll
  6. by   MollyMo
    I got some more in an e-mail today.

    1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night.

    2. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

    3. Since she can't get pregnant by her husband, I thought you might want to work her up.

    4. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

    5. Rectal examination revealed a normal sized thyroid.

    6. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accomodation.

    7. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
  7. by   micro
    there are some strange things ambulating in those halls.........
  8. by   fab4fan
    I loved the consult note that read, "Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant."

    Wow! Bet they get great pt. satisfaction surveys from the female pts.
  9. by   indeed
    I just saw one last night written on an elderly female R/O CVA. "Very cute. Responsive." Hot damn, I love this job!!!

    Indeed.

    PS - Yes, it said cute. We thought for a second maybe we were misreading, maybe it said "acute" but no...handwriting way to clear.
  10. by   VAC
    Laughter is still the best medicine. Cheaper than therapy!!!
  11. by   CATHYW
    LOL! These are good. I think I may have worked with a few of those doctors...
  12. by   FiFi
    LMBO
  13. by   live4today
    MICRO...I especially love #5, 7, 11, and 15.

    MOLLY...I loved #2, 5, and 6 from your list.
  14. by   micro
    renee',
    like who wouldn't be depressed after all that time.........#15 of course is what i am referring too'.....or maybe micro is mistaken, but micro is referrin' to somethin'

    renee', indeed you are such a cheerfuldooer..........
    you have found your home and in the heart of micro if but the first of many.................................
    what I am trying to say is Renee', you rock and i, micro love you'

    and to all peace and good night'

    micro and out
    Last edit by micro on Jun 30, '02

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