aaaaaaaargh !!! ...just don't KNOW...

  1. ooooooh... had an inservice after work this morning, and during the inservice, our instructor mentioned that the Inservice Coordinator position was open... and asked if there was an RN in the house that would be interested in the position.

    It would entail being responsible for four clinincs in our geographical area.. preparing, coordinating, and delivering all the inservice training and reviews for these four clinics.. two here in Va.(including mine), and two across the line in West Va.
    All within an approx. 2 hour drivetime. All weekends and holidays off.

    It was soooooooo tempting, in that I absolutely LOVE to teach.. would thoroughly enjoy being a preceptor, but our turnover is so low that I'd never get the chance to precept anyone. Yes, I'd love the teaching, motivating aspect of it dearly. The driving wouldn't be toooooo bad... although I'm not as keen on driving all over the place every day as I once would have been a few years back. Plus with the gas prices what they are right now, I don't think the mileage would truly cover it... not to speak of the wear and tear on my vehicle. Had they offered a company car.. it might have been irresistable.

    Gosh... thinking here.. no more getting up at 0300, running my legs off and stressing out during turnover between shifts... all the bending and lifting/transferring....

    BUT I COULDN'T DO IT !!! Part of me wanted to jump at it, but I felt cemented in my seat, and couldn't make myself jump up and say "YES!"

    I'm one who LOVES change...doing something new and different... always eager for a new challenge... and I passed this up ! Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh !!!

    And I know why.... I'm just not ready to leave my PATIENTS yet !!!

    I could hardly imagine not doing patient care... being there every morning to greet them... they so fully expect me to be there, and I would miss them HORRIBLY, and I know they would me as well. Heck, just give me a rare two or three off in a row, and all I hear when I get back is "so how was Florida? how's the fishing down there...?" Sheeesh.

    Gee... did I do the right thing? Will I regret missing this opportunity? Or would I regret having taken it... and miss my patients to the point of really kicking myself.... ponder, ponder... so confused.

    I just really think I'm not ready to leave them. Not yet. Perhaps 4 or 5 years down the road...not getting any younger here, and don't know it I'll be able to do what I do now another 5 years from now. So it would be a nice change then.

    Ah well... just thinking out loud here...
  2. 10 Comments

  3. by   Tweety
    jnette, you're one of us who are born to be with the patient. Everyday when I'm in charge without a patient assignment, I cringe. I respect and appreciate those with supportive roles, but you and me just ain't one of them. This I know.

    My gut feeling is you did the right thing.
  4. by   Shamrock
    Do I hear you being conflicted here? You'll figure it out!
  5. by   jnette
    Quote from Shamrock
    Do I hear you being conflicted here? You'll figure it out!

    grrmmphhhh........... well, the teacher in me would have dearly loved it... although I'd prefer to be teaching my patients... just not nearly the time to to that anymore.

    But the "mother hen" in me squawks at the mere thought of being torn away from her chicks...

    I guess it was figured out already, or I would have jumped at it... right? And it's hard to jump with a broken heart, y'know?

    Tweety's got me figured... I was feeding self created IV lines into my babydolls when I was a wee one several milleniums ago... made from little scraps of medical treasures I either snitched from the doctors office during my annual physicals, or found in the trash cans there... couldn't do enough FOR those little rubber and plastic patients of mine... heh.

    I think my heart would ACHE... nice opportunity and tempting to be sure... but it's just not the time.
  6. by   SmilingBluEyes
    u did the right thing. i say get some moretime at the bedside under your belt......if it's meant to be a similiar opportunity will arise followed your heart and to me that was the right thing to do.
  7. by   MelRN13
    I agree with Deb, you did the right thing. If it was meant to be it will happen again, when you're ready for it.
  8. by   nurseygrrl
    You did the right thing jnette...You strike me as someone who gives A LOT more than just general nursing care to your patients.

    I know that sometimes I think that I'd like to try something different. Especially during really stressful times like this past week with the D.O.H in. I was having a crummy day yesterday because it was the day to rehash everything that went on during the survey. We got no citations, but they did find a few little problems and the administration is very nit picky. Instead of focusing on the guys know...

    Anyhow...I went into our dining room during the resident's lunch and sat down with a few of my patients. We were talking, laughing and cracking jokes...then one woman put her hand over mine and said 'Dear God, thank you for these lovely people.' I got all teary eyed...that was just what I needed to hear. These are the things that I (and I think you too, jnette ) can't live without!

    I think you're a terrific nurse and have so much to give to people. Whatever you do you'll be an asset.
  9. by   NursesRmofun
    Sounds like you answered yourself! You are not ready to be away from the bedside. NO? The job did sound good though!
  10. by   jnette
    awwww.. thanx for all the kind words. :imbar

    Nope.. can't do it. I'm hopelessly attached to my patients. I would feel like I abandoned them. Heck, I've known a lot of them for seven years now !!!

    I'd also miss the hands on skills... DOING stuff. Heck, isn't that what I went to school for and spent three years with my head buried in the books for.. so I could DO stuff??? I love cannulating, love working with caths... I just love it ALL... would love doing even more (would really love a year or so in CCU sometime... just for the learning!)... and wish I had more time to sit down with our patients and do some real encouraging, motivating patient teaching...wish, wish, wish.

    I'll stay put where I am. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY !!!!
  11. by   LesJenRN
    You know, you are the kind of nurse I would want taking care of my family members....
    you'll know when you are ready to leave and when you do, I am guessing you will be great at whatever your next endevor is.....
  12. by   jkaee
    Know how you feel, jnette!

    Everytime I took a "manager" type job, even if it was just as supervisor, I'd ALWAYS go back to floor nursing. I can't imagine not being involved in the one on one care with my residents, and I can't stay away from it long! Even now I feel conflicted, I only work part time (5 days a pay) and I still feel that I should work more so I can be more involved with the residents and families and decision making. But, I have 3 young kids, and they need me more right now!

    You made the right choice. I did a no weekend/ no holiday job before.....and I went running right back to the floor where I belong. It seems that's where you belong too!