A Time Comes in Your Life When You Finally Get It

  1. I found this in my journal the other day. I clip out things and paste them in there that I find conducive to keeping myself grounded. It's long, but I feel it's worth reading. The author is Iyanla Vanzant, I don't remember which book it came from (sorry).
    ______________________________

    A time comes in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the
    world through new eyes.

    This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

    You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are...and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

    You stop bytching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.

    You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.

    And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive how and where you should live and what you should do for a living who you should sleep with who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents.

    You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are what you really stand for.

    You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

    You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

    You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

    You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

    Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be, more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name.

    You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love.... and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms ... just to make you happy

    And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely... And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."

    You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK....and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want...and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

    You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less.

    :angel2:
    •  
  2. 9 Comments

  3. by   micro
    Originally posted by LasVegasRN
    I found this in my journal the other day. I clip out things and paste them in there that I find conducive to keeping myself grounded. It's long, but I feel it's worth reading. The author is Iyanla Vanzant, I don't remember which book it came from (sorry).
    ______________________________

    A time comes in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the
    world through new eyes.
    This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

    You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are...and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.
    You stop bytching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.

    You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.
    And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive how and where you should live and what you should do for a living who you should sleep with who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents.

    You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are what you really stand for.

    You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

    You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

    You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

    You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

    Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be, more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name.

    You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love.... and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms ... just to make you happy

    And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely... And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."
    You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK....and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want...and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

    You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less.
    :angel2:
    lvrn.....you been readin my mind.....you are psychic.....

    oh, yes, we just PM'd didn't we........

    you are so true.........i am printing this up for my hardcopy before the thread gets soooooo' long that I can't afford to print it out.....
    hehehehehehehe

    you caught me right where I have been these last two years......and especially these last six months.....k' nobody make fun.......micro has shared her chronological age of _________.
    so, duh, I am a slow learner........

    i don't care......
    this is rare.........

    thx again laverne.......
    from each other we do learn....................
    Last edit by micro on Aug 11, '02
  4. by   Sleepyeyes
    Las Vegas, that's sooo beautiful! I'm gonna print it and share it with my family.
  5. by   micro
    ditto, but at this point may only share it with myself, micro is very very very selfish..................
  6. by   dianah
    Thank you, VegasRN!!! LOVED IT!! I do find that, with age, my outlook and priorities HAVE changed, and in many of the ways described in the quote you shared.

    Never try to teach a pig to sing; you just waste your time and irritate the **** out of the pig.
  7. by   live4today
    Thanks Vegas.......I've read most of that author's books myself, and they are DEEP....really causes one to stop and reflect. :kiss
  8. by   eltrip
    Thanks, Vegas! I enjoy this author's work as well. Came across her writings 3 1/2 years ago, after my life had hit the fan. Her words helped me get through that year.

    I needed this today.

    Thanks again,
    Joy
  9. by   shygirl
    Thank-you Las Vegas. Beautiful. I wish I had come here sooner. I printed it up too, but had 8 pages also! I had to work today.

    Shygirl
  10. by   Mkue
    that was beautiful, i copied it and will definately save it and share with friends, thanks again !

  11. by   l.rae
    thanks for sharing....love it.......l am still agonizing over the size thing though...LOL....LR

close