A question about this priest abuse???

  1. I am having a hard time understanding some of these victims' claims about being abuses by their priest. I am beginning to wonder if my thinking is out of whack. Have I lost all rationality? Here is what stumps me. I can understand a 6, 7, 8, year old not saying anything or not telling........maybe . But some of these accounts I read, the boys say it started when they were 11 or 12, and it continued til they were 14 or 15? Come....on !!! I hate to sound like I lecherous old _ itch, but if you were submitting to that on a weekly or monthly basis as a teenager, I figure you were enjoying it and going back for more. And , I did read where many of the "victims" were older boys when it began. One guy said it continued til he was 18 ! I would appreciate some insight on this....because after months of thinking about it, I am no more enlightened than I was when I first started reading.
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  2. 43 Comments

  3. by   Mary Dover
    I think pedophiles can have an influence on children of any age, that is just unfathomable to most of us. Also, keep in mind the kind of influence that the church can have, when you have attended your whole life, when you have watched your parents accept everything said and done there as completely right, and to be subjected to something like that from an authority figure in that church - I doubt any of those kids understood what was happening - yes even the older ones.
  4. by   MollyJ
    Whaley & Wong's _Nursing Care of Infants and Children_ copyright 1996 p. 703.

    Anyone, including siblings and mothers, can be sexual abusers, but a typical abuser is a male that the victim knows. Offenders come from all levels of society. Some are prominent person in the community, and some especially in the case of pediohiliacs (also called "child molesters"), are in positions such as teaching and coaching, where they work closely with children.
    >>>>

    Boys are also victims of both intramilial and extrafamilial abuse. Males are much less likely to report abuse, and they may suffer much greater emotional harm from incestuous relationships, especially between mother and son, than do female victims. Boys are likely to be subjected to anal pentration and oral-genital contact, to have subtle physical findings, and to be abused by a father, stepfather, or mother's boyfriend.

    The cycle of abuse often starts innocently, unless it involves an isolated attack, such as a rape. Often offenders spend time witht he victims to gain their trust before initiating any sexual contact. Most victims are then pressured into being an accessory to the sexual activity through various means and may be unaware that sexual activity is part of the offer. Children may not reveal the truth for fear that their parents would not believe them if they told--especially if the offender is a trusted member of the family. Some fear they will be blamed for the situation, and some young children with limited vocabulary have difficulty describing the activity when they do have the courage or opportunity to reveal the abuse.

    >>>>

    Methods used to pressure children into sexual activity

    giftss or priveleges
    adult mis-represents moral standards telling the child it is okay to do
    Isolated and emotiaonally and socially impoverished children are enticed by adults who meet their needs for warmth and human contact
    Offender makes it a secret that people may take away if discovered
    etc, etc

    END OF INFO from W & W

    AT times these victims (even rape victims) experience orgasm or sexual satisfaction and this may compound their feelings that they wanted or caused the attack. They can feel used, guilty, complicitous.

    How many sensual books or movies have you seen or read that involved the theme of the older sexually experienced individual "initiating" the sexually inexperienced one?

    That is the "romantic version" of pedophilia. The fact is there is nothing romantic or quasi-brotherly about sexual initiation of a young teen by an adult. It's just a gradation of pedophilia.
  5. by   micro
    judge not
    as you surely do not want to walk in a child's shoes who has experienced sexual abuse at any age
    all i have to say
    Last edit by micro on May 3, '02
  6. by   prn nurse
    About the Pope's decision on pedophiles? I read that thread. That is not the topic of this thread. I was asking about the victims. I am not judging them...that's for sure. I am trying to understand their claims. I know as a child, I would have told my mother if anyone was doing anything to me, especially after the age of 8 or 9. I also have 3 sons. I feel certain they would tell me if anyone touched them or raped them. As I said in the first paragraph, a 12, 13, 14, 15 year old? My sons at age 13 - 15 could outrun or out punch most priests. And, if it happened once, I think they would not put themselves in a position to have it happen again. I think they would have said , "no, I'm NOT going to confession, class, whatever..." That is the part I do not understand. How did these victims get victimized for YEARS ?
  7. by   semstr
    It is NOT that easy to judge!!!
  8. by   Hardknox
    The victims were told by the Priest--and I quote:"No one will believe you if you tell" and in those days when the Priest was so revered no one would believe them. You can not have been following this story very well because MANY of these children DID tell and the Church paid millions to keep them quiet and had them sign confidentiality agreements. This has been going on for years in Boston. Go to www.boston.com and read all the articles the BOStON GLOBE has done on this subject. So long story short these kids did tell, the families were paid by the church to keep quiet and the priests were switched to other Parishes to prey on other kids. And so yes, your thinking is flawed on this subject. Not to be rude, just to answer your question.
  9. by   fergus51
    You'll note the molesters are almost always someone who has spent time establishing a relationship and gaining power over the boys long before the abuse starts. I think every mother thinks her sons would tell her, unfortunately you can never really know.
  10. by   canoehead
    prn

    Really, at 8 or 9 if you thought that what you were doing was so bad that no one ever talked about it, and how much trouble you would be in if anyone found out, that you would go to jail, embarass your parents, that the abuser would hurt you or your younger sibling or pet if you told...well no I can definitely say that you would not tell.

    And if you are brought up from a young age believing that you can't tell, and people convienently "can't" see what is going on in their community, and this is happening to other kids your age and THEIR families aren't doing anything, then you could easily swallow whatever lie the abuser is telling you to justify his actions, and think that this is normal.

    ANd if it goes on year after year your sense of normal is twisted anyway, and it could be just easier to give in "one more time" than to have a fight with someone who is physically and morally superior, not to mention more emotionally experienced. So one day the abused child leaves town for another school, or loses contact some other way and gets some space to think about all that has happened...THEN they can talk about it and realize they have been hurt.

    That's why...and if you think your kids would tell you immediately I say respectfully you are dead wrong. Not if a predator has had time to groom them and change their sense of what is OK and what isn't. Doesn't mean you are a bad parent. We all just have to be aware enough to take seriously any fears our children have, and to not allow them to be in a situation where they could be abused. Personally I think repeated 1-1 contact with any adult besides immediate family should be discreetly and carefully watched. (But I've been burned before)
  11. by   prn nurse
    Hardknox: Thanks for the info. I just spent nearly two hours reading the Boston Globe. The May 3 article about the Utica , N.Y. priest reports a new claim from a victim who reports abuse from 1976. He says the abuse started at age 13 to age 19 ! 19 ! Well, I am not Catholic. So, I am not experienced with this idea of turning your brain over to a priest, or encouraging your child to do that. I guess that is what is called faith. Our family comes from a looooonnngggg line of people who take great pride in their personal independence and resiliency. It would go against our free thinking natures to submit to anyone to that degree. I think there will be upheavals in the Catholic church. One of my daughters-in-law and a sister-in-law were raised catholic, the whole school, etc. bit. Both as 30 year old adults dissed the church, and that was before the scandal. Personally I love the church, love to go visit the old churches and statues, stained windows. (Never talked to a priest) I find the buildings very comforting and solace can be found there. What a shame and tragedy that American priests were predators, and others covered for them!!! The bastards should be banished !!!!Regardless of what the pope decided, this is not Italy. Those characters should all be charged under America's criminal laws. Are they going to be allowed to get away with it? Is Cardinal Law ABOVE the law?? ...Has there been any word of priests in France or Mexico behaving as despicably as ours? I know Mexicans love their church--24 hours a day.
  12. by   prmenrs
    What I find hard to believe is where and what were the POLICE doing during all this? And if the priest was reported to the diocese, why wasn't he reported to the police?

    I also think that because priests don't marry and have families, they don't understand what children mean to families--how a parent feels when s/he realizes someone has harmed their child.

    Even though priests are often counselors for individuals and families, I don't think they have enough background in psychology, and especially psychology related to sex, or developmental psych. Cardinal Law and the one from Philadelphia seem particulary ignorant on some basic facts, such as pediophilia and homosexuality are not related to each other.

    If they won't even educate themselves, I can't see as though there is a lot of hope.

    I am a Catholic, and will always be one. My relationship is with the religion itself, not the imperfect mortals supposedly running the show. There's a lot of things that irritate me with the way the Church is governed, but I don't think I could be anything else. I wish I could explain that better.
  13. by   nurs4kids
    Originally posted by prn nurse
    About the Pope's decision on pedophiles? I read that thread. That is not the topic of this thread. I was asking about the victims. I am not judging them...that's for sure. I am trying to understand their claims. I know as a child, I would have told my mother if anyone was doing anything to me, especially after the age of 8 or 9. I also have 3 sons. I feel certain they would tell me if anyone touched them or raped them. As I said in the first paragraph, a 12, 13, 14, 15 year old? My sons at age 13 - 15 could outrun or out punch most priests. And, if it happened once, I think they would not put themselves in a position to have it happen again. I think they would have said , "no, I'm NOT going to confession, class, whatever..." That is the part I do not understand. How did these victims get victimized for YEARS ?
    I'm sorry, I can't finish reading this thread before replying. YOU can NOT say what you or anyone else would have done. I, like you obviously, was blesed to have supportive parents and did not , thank God, suffer any type abuse as a child. HOWEVER, I can not say what I would have done had some sicko taken advantage of me. A child is just that, A CHILD..yes, still at 12, 13, 14 and 15. These KIDS were taken advantage of by someone they were raised to respect, to trust. Come on...please don't try to make these victims into villians!!! ANYTIME an adult crosses the line with a child, the ADULT is wrong, not the child. I can't even believe you had this thought..much less posted it..
  14. by   prn nurse
    ""Making the victims the villains????"" ...It is late at night and you must be tired.
    I am trying to understand what is taking place. This is the most embarrassing, tragic , and shameful event that I have heard of in my lifetime. How do Americans' explain the previously revered smudge-proof Catholic religion to our children and our foreign friends.
    I do not understand several aspects of this crime. One of the aspects I do not understand is how a 14-15-16- year old could be physically assaulted a hundred times over a four or five year period of time. My sons were six feet tall at the age of 13. I know all young men aren't. I cannot imagine them being abused at that age.
    You cannot imagine me or anyone asking questions about this? I have never censored myself or anyones' thoughts/reading/discussions. It is too late to start now.
    This is the benefit of boards like this one. I have learned a lot reading other peoples' points of view. I was raised in a very simple home by very simple folks. Things that are discussed on this board, I never heard discussed at home.

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