A Parent's Heartache

  1. This is a whiny post, I'll just say that now.

    I got a call from Emma's school saying she was sent to the office for "misbehaving" in Art class. Her teacher told me if this happens again I will have to come in for a parent-teacher conference during school hours.

    This is the second time they have called me about Emma's behavior. The first time they called and said I had to come in, I explained I'm at a new job, in the probationary period and can't just jump up and leave to sit and talk to them. Why can't we do a conference call? Nope, they won't do a conference call, if I don't come in, she will be suspended from school until I do.

    So, I talk to my supervisor, she is MORE than understanding, says no problem, do what you need to do, I've been in the exact same situation. I went to this parent-teacher meeting the first time and sat there PISSED that I had to listen to this same shyt they could have told me over the phone. TOTAL waste of my time.

    So, here we are again. Patronizing me with the "you have to set limits with her, what are you doing to modify her behavior at home? yadda yadda blah blah blah..." Again, I tell them what every parent of a SIX YEAR OLD does, WTF do you want from me?? Again, I tell them I can't just jump up and run down to the school everytime one of their teachers has trouble controlling a SIX YEAR OLD in class - I am not losing my job over there burning need to have me look them in the face.

    I am so frickin' angry. I called the school area superintendent to voice my complaint about how these people do not make any effort to accomodate parents. The prinicipal told me I have to come in during THEIR SCHEDULE and they make no accomodations for parents. I'm sorry, but that's pathetic. The school superintendent secretary won't let you talk to the actual guy and she goes into "have you set boundaries? have you... blah blah yadda yadda" making me really want to respond by saying, No, lady, I scratch my ass and do absolutely nothing for discipline.

    So I got nowhere with the school board. I go to pick up Emma and her DAYCARE teacher had written her up because she took the broom and was running around the room with it and would not give it to the teacher when she asked for it. I am so livid I can barely speak by this time.

    We get home. I go outside and get a switch... yes, a switch, off one of the TREES in the backyard. Yes, she got an old fashioned "My Momma beat my ass with a switch" spanking. Just like I used to get, back in the day. And she got two spankings: one for school, one for daycare.

    I am so angry, I can't eat. I am so angry, I am not speaking to her right now and told her to stay in her room.

    Please, just tell me I am not the only parent who has days or feelings like this. That's all I ask.

    Thanks for reading this long ass rant.
  2. 106 Comments

  3. by   Sable's mom
    Vegas, You are definately not the only parent that has felt like this - I have been ready to explode with the school system at times - as nurses we have to be so culturally aware, work around our patients belifs, schedules, needs and boundaries, then have to deal with schools that can only function face to face, on their turf, 8a-4p. Get real!! Very few of us are available those hours - WE have jobs. You are NOT alone.
  4. by   deespoohbear
    Oh Vegas, I can feel for you....dealing with the schools can be a royal PIA....(remembering now why we homeschool..)...

    Have you figured out why Emma is misbehaving? Is she just being a normal six year who is testing the boundaries, or is something bothering her? My guess is if she is testing the boundaries and just being a six year old she will have learned her lesson today.

    Schools are so stupid in their rules sometimes...my middle child when he was in school was constantly in trouble. So the teachers had him "pegged" as a problem child. I got note one day from school stating that he had got in trouble for walking backwards in the hall. For crying out loud, if that is the worse thing the schools have to worry about disciplining students, the schools wouldn't be in such a flippin' mess...

    About the school not accommodating you with your hours and such, I would go up one level over the school board and contact the state board of education for Nevada. A well worded letter to the editors of the local papers in Las Vegas probably wouldn't hurt. School administrators hate that kind of publicity. I would start talking to the other parents of the school too....find out if they have ran into the same stone wall you have...enough of you complain, you might be able to get the school to change their 18th century policies about conferences with parents....

    (Otherwise, you may just have to get your purse out..... )
  5. by   cindyln
    You need a great big {{HUG}}.
  6. by   Robin61970
    Been there done that.....sometimes they need a good old fashioned spanking....hope all works out for you Vegas......kids do try your patience at times though, don't they? I have had days I have wanted to throttle mine....
  7. by   deespoohbear
    Isn't parenting grand? :imbar
  8. by   Lausana
    Sometimes I wonder if I'll make it to age 6 You did what you needed to do, hopefully, that is all she needed. (((LV)))

    As for the school, dunno, that's crap to me... Not all mom's can be stay-at-homes Not to mention meeting with a parent should be the teacher's priority to make happen even if it's in the evening.
  9. by   hoolahan
    OMG, I can tell you some stories about my dtr!!

    In the middle school, our conferences are optional now, and I don't go anymore, b/c all I hear is "Kristy is too focued on her socializing" "kisty talks to her friends in class and is disruptive." "Kristy is rude" blah blah blah

    I got soooo sick of it, I met w the vice principal and told her LOOK, she is ten years old, and all she does is talk, it is non-stop at home, and if I knew the magic button to turn it off, trust me I would.

    I am a nurse, and I understand this is a normal stage of her development. I would think that educated professionals should know this and have a better way of being able to control their classroom.

    One of her teachers accused her of lying that she got the spelling packet. She didn't. Another student passed them out, and when she ran out before Kristy got one, she told the teacher she didn't get one, he called her a liar in front n of the class, and out her in a seat by herself at the back of the room, all the other desks were in groups.

    I BLEW my stack Deneen!! I called the teacher, got his voice mail and said Look, do I really have to report you again to the prinicipal? Do I have to come down to that school and interrupt your class? Because I WILL. NOW, you GIVE my dtr the spelling packet and you better move her seat back into a group, you can put her w people she doesn't like to talk to, but don't you DARE ever humiliate my dtr like that ever again!!!

    She went to school, that basta*d took the spelling packet and scotch-taped it to her desk, placving the tapes on the edges of the 8.5x11 papers so that they even wwnt over the edges of the desk, like she was so careless or stupid she wouldn't be trusted ot have the packet handed to her. I mean does that just tell you what kind of moron I was dealing with??

    Sometimes you just have to bypass them. VegaS, emabarass them, ask the PRICIPAL what kind of training and inservicng the teachers go through. Ask if they studies growth and development in school. Ask if they have to take child psych? Look up you Piaget and erikson, I did, I quoted it to them stating how they were interfering with my dtr's sense of industry vs whatever it was. I made them look like a bunch of incompetent asses, just by using calm and professional observations. Ask how they deal with other children who have had the same issues. Ask them to have the guidance counseler spend some time w Emma, she could be responding to the change in your job, or something actually AT the school. My dtr;s school had great guidance counselors. They have a little thing called the lunch bunch, and it would be four kids, usually friends or known to each other who meet w the counselor for lunch, and she just did a ditty on a topic like self-esteem, and they talked about it as a rap session. When they called me about Kristy, I always directed them to have her meet w the guidance counselor.They knew her, really got to know her, and it really helped.

    Now go tell Emma you are sorry you lost your patience. Yes I have spanked my kids, but I always felt bad later and apologized. Kiss and make-up. One thing I learned is to trust what my dtr has told me. I have over time caught a few people exaggerating or lying aboutb her behavior, and I am ashamed that prior to that, I did not always believe her when I should have. Just talk to her, and explain to her on her level that mommy cannot leave work, or you willl have a problem at work, and you need the job to buy food clothes and ________(whatever it is she likes.) Ask her why she did not listen to the teacher when she asked to have the broom back. Ask her if she was not allowed to be in school, where does she think she would go while you worked. Take away her privelages for something fun she likes to do for the weekend. But, if you really drill her carefully in a non-threatenoing way, I bet you will be surprised what she will tell you. There are some real problem teachers out there. But, lest we forget, it is always the parent's fault of course!!
  10. by   Rustyhammer
    Last year Lucas was in the 5th grade and periodically they would have "cooking class".
    Now Lucas has been cooking in this house for at least a few years. The teacher assigns him to cut the potatoes (I don't remember what they were making). This little girl in Lucas' group tells lucas to be careful that he doesnt' cut his finger. Lucas assures her he wont but she tells him again (probably just a bossy kid) and Lucas sarcastically says "Yeah right, I'm going to cut my finger off".
    Well that was it! Suspended for "using sarcasm". FOR USING SARCASM??
    I go into the school and the teacher and principal tell me that many kids don't know what sarcasm is and these little girls thought Lucas was REALLY going to cut off his finger.
    I told them they were idiots!
    Any 10 year old that doesn't know sarcasm must live in a damn bubble!
    I pulled him out of that school and told them to kiss my A$$!
    Ok I rambled a bit but it STILL ticks me off how the school can't get it together to just TEACH the kids and quit being so afraid of hurting their "self esteem" and take control of the class!
    You teachers already get the best holidays and schedule EVER!!
    *breathing deep*
    Oh and Deneen...I still spank when they need it. Sometimes they almost ask for it.
    I'm done.
  11. by   Q.
    I'm not a parent so take this for what it's worth. I have to hand it to you. You've done probably what I would've done in theory, under the same situation.

    I think it's somewhat normal for kids to act out - the important part is how the parents deal with it. It sounds to me like Emma understands how disappointed you are in her. My only thing with hitting, is I've vowed never to hit or physically punish a child in a moment of reactionary anger. Just something to think about.

    The school sounds like a royal pain in the butt. I'm not sure the logic behind having a parent be present at every incident of misconduct - but, whatever the reason, rest assured that you are a great Mom, Emma loves you and you're doing all you can.

    This is why I don't have any kids. Too lazy, selfish and dumb.
  12. by   researchrabbit
    The depth to which you love your child is the depth to which they can piss you off. (been there -- whine away). Hugs, Deneen!
  13. by   deespoohbear
    Originally posted by Rustyhammer
    Oh and Deneen...I still spank when they need it. Sometimes they almost ask for it.

    Isn't that the truth? My 13year old sometimes is just really pushing the buttons. Too big to spank, but I sure can punish him other ways....like no TV, no playstation, extra schoolwork, extra chores.....but oh, sometimes it is tempting to crack him one across the seat of his pants....except that I would probably fracture all the little bones in my hands because his backside is as solid as a marble slab...
  14. by   ShandyLynnRN
    Oh Vegas! Your story sounds very similar to mine! Mason's teacher(s) (I added the plural bc he is on his third in a year due to teacher illness etc) I think expect all kids to behave the same! The current teacher he has is BRAND NEW, and I don't think she has any experiencewith children! She gets ANGRY at Mason because he is easily distracted, and sometimes doesnt do his work. I have been there to speak with her twice, explaining what his weaknesses are, and brainstorming on how to help. I offered suggestions such as moving him up close to the board, sitting a more responsible student next to him to help "remind" him to stay on task, earphones, even moving him to the hallway. Prob is is that a lot of their work is done "together" with her at the board.

    Now she tells me that if he doesn't read every night, that it will show on his grade, and he will fall behind. First, this is the kid that everyone is amazed at how bright he is, and can read very well for 1st grade. Second, I explained to her that I work 3-4nights a week, and it is impossible to get all his homework done on those nights bc we only have an hour after he gets home to do homework, chores (feed the dog and fish) and bath before we have to leave. Third, the way she "tells" if he has read is by a card I sign....and told me that it wasn't acceptable for him to read 3 stories on the nights that I'm home, instead of one every night.... whatever!!!

    Ok, thats my vent... its rough! I feel for any parent that has to deal with it! I spent way too much time, stress, and money taking mason to docs to get him dx with ADD, only for them to not do anything about it and tell me that all 6 year olds are hyper and distractible....so I just left it alone. We have figured out how to deal at home, and if the school doesnt want to work with me, then its their problem!