A message for all computerr illiterate people

  1. 1). tech support: "i need you to right-click on the

    open desktop."
    customer "ok.
    tech support: "did you get a pop-up menu?"
    customer: "no."
    tech support: "ok. right click again. do you see a pop-up menu?"
    customer: "no."
    tech support: "ok, sir. can you tell me what you have done up until
    this point?"
    customer: "sure. you told me to write 'click' and i wrote 'click'."
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    2) customer: "i received the software update you sent, but i am
    still getting the same error message."
    tech support: "did you install the update?"
    customer: "no. oh, am i supposed to install it to get it to work?"
    --------------------------------------------------
    3).customer: "i'm having trouble installing microsoft word."
    tech support: "tell me what you've done."
    customer: "i typed 'a:setup'."
    tech support: "ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
    customer: "it says '[pc manufacturer] restore and recovery disk'."
    tech support: "insert the ms word setup disk."
    customer: "what?"
    tech support: "did you buy ms word?"
    customer: "no..."
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    4).customer: "do i need a computer to use your software?"
    tech support: ?!%#$
    --------------------------------------------------
    5).tech support: "ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can
    you see the 'ok' button displayed?"
    customer: "wow. how can you see my screen from there?"
    --------------------------------------------------
    6) tech support: "what type of computer do you have?"
    customer: "a white one."
    --------------------------------------------------
    7). tech support: "type 'a:' at the prompt."
    customer: "how do you spell that?"
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    8). tech support: "what's on your screen right now?"
    customer: "a stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery
    store."
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    9). tech support: "what operating system are you running?"
    customer: "pentium."
    --------------------------------------------------
    10). customer: "my computer's telling me i performed an illegal
    abortion."
    --------------------------------------------------
    11).customer: "i have microsoft exploder."
    --------------------------------------------------
    12).customer: "how do i print my voicemail?"
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    13). customer: "you've got to fix my computer. i urgently need to
    print document, but the computer won't boot properly."
    tech support: "what does it say?"
    customer: "something about an error and non-system disk."
    tech support: "look at your machine. is there a floppy inside?"
    customer: "no, but there's a sticker saying there's an intel
    inside."
    --------------------------------------------------
    14). tech support: "just call us back if there's problem. we're
    open 24 hours."
    customer: "is that eastern time?"
    --------------------------------------------------
    15). tech support: "what does the screen say now?"
    customer: "it says, 'hit enter when ready'."
    tech support:: "well?"
    customer: "how do i know when it's ready?"
    --------------------------------------------------
    16). a plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report
    that his computer is faulty.
    tech: what's the problem?
    user: there is smoke coming out of the power supply.
    tech: you'll need a new power supply.
    user: no, i don't! i just need to change the start-up files.
    tech: sir, the power supply is faulty. you'll need to replace it.
    user: no way! someone told me that i just needed to change the
    start-up and
    it will fix the problem! all i need is for you to tell me the
    command.

    10 minutes later, the user is still adamant that he is right. the
    tech is frustrated and fed up.
    tech: sorry, sir. we don't normally tell our customers this, but
    there is
    an undocumented dos command that will fix the problem.
    user: i knew it!
    tech: just add the line load nosmoke.com at the end of the
    config.sys. let me know how it goes.

    10 minutes later.
    user: it didn't work. the power supply is still smoking.
    tech: well, what version of dos are you using?
    user: ms-dos 6.22.
    tech: that's your problem there. that version of dos didn't come
    with nosmoke. contact microsoft and ask them for a patch that will
    give you the file. let me know how it goes.

    1 hour later.
    user: i need a new power supply.
    tech: how did you come to that conclusion?
    user: well, i rang microsoft and told him about what you said, and
    he
    started asking questions about the make of power supply.

    tech: then what did he say?
    user: he told me that my power supply isn't compatible with nosmoke
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  2. 1 Comments

  3. by   Katnip
    Oh....

    I have a few friends who work in tech support. I've got to send this to them to see if anyting looks familiar.

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