"Lotteries For All"

  1. "Lotteries For All"
    Copyright 10/18/2007 Zashagalka (Used by permission, of course!)

    I have a modest proposal. Lottery winners are filthy, stinking rich. They didn’t earn this money. Instead, they got these gains off the backs of literally millions of people, often the poorest people. Some of the very poorest people really NEED to win the lottery instead of some that do. Did you know that the biggest lottery winner in American history was a successful West Virginia businessman BEFORE he won the lottery? Disgusting greed. Just imagine the hopes and ambitions of millions of players, dashed weekly by those that win the lottery instead of them. Those that don’t win each week work JUST as hard trying to win the lotto as those that do win. It’s not fair.

    If the average person makes about thirty thousand dollars a year, and the average lottery winner makes 3 million dollars in one windfall, then the average lottery winner makes 100 times in one day what the average American makes, in a year. Big lottery winners, like the few that make over 300 million, make literally a THOUSAND times in one day what the average American can make in a year. How is it fair that a few can win life’s lottery, but not everybody? Simply put, it is NOT fair.

    There is a solution.

    I propose that we have a lottery tax for the lottery rich. If you aren’t the lottery rich, then this isn’t a ‘tax increase’ for you. Those lottery rich are obligated to help the rest of us step up to be lottery winners, in any case. We have the power of the police state to make this right. If we tax all but a dollar of each winner, there should be plenty to redistribute a dollar to every American. In that way, we would all win the lottery, every week.

    But wait, you say, some people don’t even play. Why should THEY get a dollar? Some people play many dollars a week. Why should THEY ONLY get a dollar? Well, some people are either too poor to play at all, or too uneducated to understand the benefit of playing the lottery. They simply shouldn’t be penalized for their inability or failure to play. Everybody deserves to be lottery winners. Those that already pay many dollars a week can clearly afford to spend that money and so, it doesn’t penalize them to continue to do so. So, we should require them to continue to play, at current levels. In fact, current players will now invest in the lottery with the sure knowledge that they too will be winners. This is literally a win-win for every American.

    Some might suggest that this proposal is equal to nothing more than a fair share in a dismal lottery outcome. They might even suggest that a dollar a week shouldn’t even be considered a lottery winning. Nonsense! Anybody that would suggest that is likely already a rich lottery winner, trying to protect immorally gotten gains. We have the power to ensure that everybody gets an equal share in lottery winnings. To do less would simply not be equitable. In a society as bountiful as ours, it is only fair that everybody win the lottery.

    We could make this happen.

    We could all be lottery winners. It is the right thing to do. If you join me, we could all literally win life’s lotteries. I even have a slogan: “Winning the lotto, one vote at a time.” Please join me in making the lottery fairer, for everybody. Write or call your Congressperson. Do it today.

    ~faith,
    Timothy.
    Last edit by ZASHAGALKA on Oct 19, '07
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  2. 5 Comments

  3. by   canoehead
    My fair share in the lottery outcome is being smart enough not to play.

    When I gamble I go to the change machine for 1-1 odds. I always leave a winner!
  4. by   ZASHAGALKA
    Quote from canoehead
    My fair share in the lottery outcome is being smart enough not to play.

    When I gamble I go to the change machine for 1-1 odds. I always leave a winner!
    But see, the beauty of my idea is that, under this proposal, you would win your State's lottery every week, whether you played, or not.

    Equal outcomes. What a grand, utopian idea!

    ~faith,
    Timothy.
  5. by   Roy Fokker
    Quote from ZASHAGALKA
    I even have a slogan: “Winning the lotto, one vote at a time.” Please join me in making the lottery fairer, for everybody. Write or call your Congressperson. Do it today.

    ~faith,
    Timothy.


    Timothy,

    Refreshing to read some good satire once in a while

    cheers,
  6. by   CHATSDALE
    tim, when i win the lottery i promise to send you a dollar
    [please send a stamped self addressed envelope]
  7. by   Spidey's mom
    LAUGHING OUT LOUD . . . . .


    steph

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