"It's all your fault!!!"

  1. My mother is very involved in my childrens' lives, for which I am grateful, but I'm at the end of my rope, hanging on to the last knot. She is very vocal about things she doesn't approve of in how I raise my children, and it's gotten worse since the baby was born. If I don't do something HER way, I'm doing it wrong. The latest is the bottle/milk fight. Demon is in the midst of a power struggle with us and has refused milk since I took away all of her bottles a few weeks ago. (She drinks everything else from a cup but always insisted on milk in a bottle.) It got worse when MIL gave in and gave her a bottle a week after that. My mom called me on my way to work this morning, upset because Demon won't drink milk. I told her "That's her problem, she knows how to use a cup. If she refuses to use it it's her problem."

    Mom: "No, it's YOUR problem, and it's YOUR fault!"

    She even threatened to go out and buy a bottle. I told her if she does, she loses her babysitting privileges.

    I'm lost here.
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  2. 16 Comments

  3. by   canoehead
    Good grief, a lack of milk won't kill her. Poor Tazzi.
  4. by   mercyteapot
    Sounds to me as if the Grandmas have been talking to each other.
  5. by   donsterRN
    I'm not a parent and have absolutely no idea how to handle the struggle. But, I can feel your frustration. I do not think you're wrong. Sending you big cyber hugs...
  6. by   PurrRN
    Stay strong, Tazz. You are in the right and inside you know it. Sometimes our loved ones try to blackmail us into doing what "they " would do, but YOU are the mom and YOU decide what is best for your child. If other people come in a sabotage your plan of attack, that is just going to teach your child how to manipulate until she gets what she wants. I know you know that "the demon" isn't going to waste away or become calcium deprived over a few months of milk warfare! Just state your position with your family and then stay strong. I'm sorry your having a problem with some of your family. Maybe you could tell them that this power struggle your are having with them is something you'd expect from your little one but not from an adult family member . Sometimes family members can be such PITA's. Good Luck!!
  7. by   RGN1
    My eldest tried this for a while - I didn't give in & slowly but surely he relented. He is 14 now & still drinks at least one glass of milk per day. STay strong!! However, I learned my lesson & when I weaned my next 2 off of me I started them straight on spout cups for all drinks!
  8. by   Roy Fokker
    I'm not a parent. But I wish to share a personal anecdote about my Mother:

    When I was a kid, my parents were strict about the rules of the house - particularly my Father. Discipline was a virtue he cherished above all else and he went to great lengths to instill it in us kids. My Mother didn't share his zeal, but supported him. Besides parents should be consistent, yeah?

    My grandma (Father's mother) wasn't thrilled about some of the rules and didn't specially like how Mother implemented them. I don't think she really approved of Mother (personality clash).

    My Mother is a very strong willed, very independent woman. She practically told Grandma to "stuff it". (I can almost imagine seeing grandma's jaw hit the floor LOL) My Mother had no pretenses and she absolutely resented others poking their nose where it didn't belong and telling her how she 'ought to' raise her family.

    My Father backed my Mother 100% though - even if it meant pissing off his Mother [trust me. It's a H-U-G-E thing were I come from. Kids DO NOT disobey their parents. Period].


    Of course, when I was a kid, I never knew/realized all this. All the more reason I am grateful to my parents for raising me the way they did.

    Hang in there Tazz! :icon_hug:
  9. by   GardenDove
    Sounds like Grandma might need to go into time out. She's way out of line. Just like you need to win with your child, you also must not give an inch to this challange by Grandma. She is seriously undermining you. Maybe she needs to go on probation and only be allowed supervised visitation for a while!
  10. by   GardenDove
    Maybe if you sent us all her email, we can send her a barrage of letters to straighten out her out?
  11. by   TazziRN
    *giggle*

    Thanks, Dove, but she doesn't even have a cell phone, much less a computer!!
  12. by   Spidey's mom
    This is silly - "no milk" never killed a child. You can get calcium from fortified orange juice.

    She needs to calm down. What a thing to fight over.

    But Tazzi - I know what you are going through. My own mom is/was completely unreasonable and actually ended up with some major psych issues and we are estranged now. Not saying this is what is happening with your mom - the psych stuff.

    I cannot tell you how peaceful our lives are since mom is not in the picture.

    steph
  13. by   TazziRN
    Stevie, my mom's got issues too and refuses to get help because "people who see psychiatrists are crazy and I'm not crazy."

    The worst she ever got with me was two years ago when Demon ended up in the hospital with pylo. It was missed because at first we all thought she had AGE. After discharge my mom said "If this were my child she never would have gotten sick!" I picked up Baby and diaper bag and walked out of her house. Next day she called and apologized....when she told my dad what happened he ripped her a new one.
  14. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from TazziRN
    Stevie, my mom's got issues too and refuses to get help because "people who see psychiatrists are crazy and I'm not crazy."

    The worst she ever got with me was two years ago when Demon ended up in the hospital with pylo. It was missed because at first we all thought she had AGE. After discharge my mom said "If this were my child she never would have gotten sick!" I picked up Baby and diaper bag and walked out of her house. Next day she called and apologized....when she told my dad what happened he ripped her a new one.
    My parents divorced when I was about 12 . . . .so he can't "rip her a new one". :spin:

    steph

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