Sympathy Card for Miscarriage?
- 0As some of you may have read yesterday, a friend of mine at church had a miscarriage within the past few days. We are not extremely close friends; we work together on a small committee and only met a few months ago, but she is really special, has been very kind and caring toward me and everyone else she meets- she kind of shines and is so selfless. I am trying to write her a sympathy note and I am not sure what to write?? I want to put something like I am sorry for the loss of your baby, you are in my prayers- but I feel like I should write something more? Anyone with experience with something like this have any ideas, what would comfort them or a friend/relative who experienced miscarriage? Should I even send a card or would that be inappropriate? (I know not to say "well, you're still young enough to have another baby! ) Thanks for any help you can give me.
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- 0Absolutely the caring thing to do.
It does not have to be lengthy or flowery. Just get your caring and emapthy across. Something simple like
"so truly sorry for your loss...I realize at times like this there are no adequate words to comfort... May He send the Comforter to envelope you in His Love and Peace which passes all understanding".
Know that I grieve with you...
- 0May 12, '03 by RN-PAI think what you wrote was fine, Raerae, and I especially like what jnette wrote. My sister experienced multiple miscarriages early in pregnancy and appreciated the sympathy cards. Her first pregnancy was ectopic, and we all sent "Get Well" cards when what she really needed were sympathy cards. Also, people are well-meaning, but it's not helpful to say, "You're young; you can have more" or "It was God's will." They already know that at some level, but better to say less-- or nothing-- and just give a hug and say, "I'm here for you."
- 0May 12, '03 by SmilingBluEyesAs someone who has been thru two ectopic pregnancies (losing a tube with one of them), and 2 miscarriages, I can safely say a sympathy card is/would be appreciated. It would have been by me, but no one thought to do so. Often, early losses are "not children lost" to others BUT the potential mother. It is to me, a dream dying or a part of my future dying with the pregnancy. And we want to be validated that we did indeed suffer a loss, no matter HOW intangible to the outside world it was. To others, I was a surgical patient or better yet, you just did not mention it. It is painful, to say the least when NO ONE acknowledges this unique pain of loss that few recognize.
It would be helpful also, to refer to miscarriage/ectopic loss groups if you have any nearby. A book I read that helped me was: Unspeakable Losses by Kim Klueger-Bell. It addresses all kinds of loss, miscarriage, ectopic, abortion and seems to hit on what I was feeling that no one but myself seemed to begin to understand.
I applaud your kindness and thoughtful caring in this girl's painful time. It is folks like you that make a difference.
- 0SmilingBlueEyes, I am sorry for your experiences and thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. The support group idea is something I had not heard of, that is a good one. I have already sealed the card but that is something I can talk to her about. She is in the social services field so she may know about it but in case not, I can mention it.
And thank you to everyone for your help!
- 0Originally posted by SmilingBluEyes
Often, early losses are "not children lost" to others BUT the potential mother. It is to me, a dream dying or a part of my future dying with the pregnancy. And we want to be validated that we did indeed suffer a loss, no matter HOW intangible to the outside world it was. To others, I was a surgical patient or better yet, you just did not mention it. It is painful, to say the least when NO ONE acknowledges this unique pain of loss that few recognize.
It is folks like you that make a difference.
All through both my pregnancies I often pondered ( not worried, but wondered) how I would feel and respond were I to miscarry. And you have perfectly put words to that question, for that is exactly how I would have felt... and how so many mothers-to-be do feel as well. It is a very personal and intimate loss... and the very real loss of a part of your own being.
Sorry for your losses as well.
- 0May 12, '03 by Brownms46I had two miscarriages and I agree with the above! Rayrae you're a very thoughtful person, as no one thought to send me a sympathy card either. But it would have been nice to have received one. There are times I still think about the ones I didn't carry to term. This is truly a loss that never completely goes away. Bless you for having such a caring, and compassionate heart..
- 0May 12, '03 by LPN,RNNowAs someone who experienced 6 miscarriages just knowing that you are thinking of her and are there for her will help. I had one successful pregnancy of 35 weeks. I had one that was saved at 24 weeks-she's now almost 3 years. I lost one at 20 weeks. The others were early. Just knowing that someone cares was sufficient for me. It was painful and actually still is at times. You are very thoughtful to want to send a card to her and care about her as you are. Hugs work well too.