I'm starting a nursing program this Fall (in one week!) and I think I've been feeling bummed out in this transition time because going back to school means "too busy to date."
I'm in my late twenties. I feel lonely sometimes. Yet the reality of marriage also scares me. I need to mature...
Recently, my brother started dating now. Sidenote: I realized that as a girl with an older brother, my brother is not really my friend anymore. It's natural. He grows up and gets married and starts his own family. I realized this only recently. It's still sad though that the closeness I wanted is not there between us. I was always the one calling him. He never calls me or hangs out with me. He lives about 30 miles away. Near yet far.
Another older friend is going on dates and I even set her up with someone. But that just means she's on her way, probably, to marriage. I'm happy for her. She wants to have her own family.
I just feel alone. I don't have any close friends. There are friends I could call up to talk to and they would be there for me, but I just don't have that one friend I can call any time, for any reason, without feeling like I'm burdening her or bothering her.
This is really vulnerable to say, but I can't think of someone to ask to be my maid of honor if I got married. Maybe bridesmaids, but maid of honor? Not really. Sometimes I get embarrassed by that and shove the thought away since I'm single and don't have to think about things like that.
So I'm going to a new school where I don't know anyone. I met some of them already through orientation. I know, friendships take time. As you get older though, it's just so hard to make real friends. Also, everyone was younger than me.
I live at home with my parents, not roommates. They are supportive, but not really, at the same time. They go to work and have their own concerns too. They are also not verbally or demonstratively affectionate, which I can't blame them for. It's just who they are as people. So I don't really hug anyone, like ever. Sometimes my mom. Don't get me wrong, my parents love me. I know that.
I know that I have a lot to be thankful for. I just feel sad during this transition time, going back to school in my late 20s, single, facing the prospect of singleness for three years (the length of my program). I know, I'm being so silly! I shouldn't worry about tomorrow. I just feel sad, so much so that my immune system must have declined and I have a cold right now.
School and singleness.
Marriage is no picnic though. I am aware of that. So that makes me slightly anxious too. I already see how ugly I can be. I want to change. It's hard.
"Be patient with yourself. Trust God." That's what I tell myself.
If anyone is experiencing loneliness, Elisabeth Elliot's book on loneliness is a helpful read.
Aug 16, '13
You are likely to make friends in nursing school. You will be busy.
I don't have words of wisdom, but think this is probably temporary.
Aug 17, '13
Thank you, herring_RN, for even just reaching out and letting me know that is it temporary. I agree, "This too shall pass."
Aug 17, '13
This will pass! The best thing about school is that you'll meet people with similar goals. So long as you are open to opportunities the right people will present themselves to you. At my busiest I was antisocial so I really had to make time to be social. In one of my classes I found a kindred spirit who had similar interests. When we weren't reviewing notes we had cocktails. I did the online dating phase and I found my boyfriend (after many fun but fateful failures).
I can't guarantee friends or romance; but you'll discover opportunities where you can meet people and let your good intentions be known. Just don't let it get in the way of your studies
Aug 18, '13
whealer, thanks for sharing your thoughts and encouraging words! I hope I'll find that kindred spirit you found in your program. I'm learning that hard lesson of contentment. Another great book is The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment! Wow, it really quieted my soul. BTW, I know that Allnurses is not a spiritual/religious site. I'm a Christian though so what I believe just comes out when I type...
Aug 19, '13
This will pass, and you are showing that you are mature enough to recognize that. So many 19-year-olds jump into bad choices because they think it will always be like this; you will not be doing that.
If you can swing it, consider looking around your class for a roommate or two or three to share housing with, and get out of your parents' house. Perhaps they would consider chipping in for some of your rent to help you make the transition.
As to being 30 when you graduate, well, you'll be 30 anyway. But you'll have your degree and prospects. Stay in touch.
Aug 20, '13
I'm now 33, starting my pre-reqs, to be able to apply to a BSN program. I figure 3 years from now I'll get in and then another year for the program. That puts me at about 37! So no worry on the age thing. Besides, you'll meet new people at school.
Oh yah, and the key to life is this: focus on what you have and not on what you don't have.
Aug 20, '13
I was JUST going to post, "you'd be 30 anyway!!" and I see GrnTea already did!
Just do it.
Aug 21, '13
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own"
Stop worrying because it's not going to make you feel better or help. Focus on getting through the nursing program. Have faith in yourself. Once you get through it, new doors will open and a new life will begin. Plus, maybe you'll find someone in your nursing program
Everything happens for a reason.
Sep 4, '13
That's true. I'll be 30 anyway! God-willing, I'll be 30 AND a RN! Actually, in my program, we take the NCLEX after 2 years, so I'll be 29 and a RN!
Thanks for the encouragement, GrnTea. I definitely made my fair share of impulsive mistakes in my early 20s about jumping into bad choices out of fear or anxiety about the future. Will not be doing that if I can help it.
Sep 4, '13
FSUNurse2b, yup, I totally agree... reminds me of a Sheryl Crow song.. "It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got."
Sep 4, '13
Tinker88, thank you for the verse! So helpful... to set my eyes on Jesus and trust him at his word.
BTW, a little update. So I'm in my second week of nursing school now - an accelerated paced one with 18 units - and I'm so busy.... I don't really have time to ponder loneliness anymore, haha... I'm adjusting though to the rigorous schedule, new people, new campus, working with people on group projects (grr haha). I think the biggest thing that will help me is just to focus on what I have, be thankful and not complain. Thanks for the reminder everyone.
Sep 5, '13
I think after being in your program for a bit and reaching out to your nursing classmates, you'll realize you don't really get the
chance to feel 'alone'! (I certainly felt like that. I would come home some days and lock myself in my study away from everyone
so I could have some alone time). If you still want to meet new folks, I would join some clubs or organizations (your program's SNA, for one) to make contacts and friends.
And, 30 is by far not too old to be single- some people from my program in their 50s got married this summer and couldn't be
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