People you meet online

  1. I'm not talking about dating sites. I'm talking about people you meet online, on FB, or on a message board.

    If strong friendships can be formed, what do you all think about love connections?

    (By the way, I'm not talking about me, or allnurses.com!)
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  2. 31 Comments

  3. by   Spidey's mom
    Honestly, I have to say that I think we still manage to not be our true selves online. Personally, I don't trust online connections for possible dating-to-find-love connections.

    I just did a search . . . yikes.

    I found on line dating to be depressing and certainly not fulfilling. At least in the "real" world you can be rejected by one person at a time. Online it you can be rejected by 10, 20 people in one day or week.

    After a while one gets tired of repeating the same information over and over. So many times the other party is deceptive. And even on Christian sites, some men are just trolling. They are not genuinely interested in a long term relationship; only a sexual encounter.

    Meeting someone through friends, family or work gives you a chance to have face-to-face contact for real first impression. Not typed hype. I have only known one couple who met and married. I know more horror stories personal and from others. So, I do not recommend on line dating. It's impersonal and you just don't know who is on the other side of the of the computer screen.

    If you're divorced, you might be itching to find love again, especially if you experienced years of an unhappy marriage. But your search for love can also make you appear vulnerable to scammers on online dating sites, and your profile may be showing more information about you than you realize.

    "Don't give away too much about yourself - don't tell them everything," said Linda, a 54-year-old divorcee, who has been scammed three times via online dating sites. "They watch what you do for a living and look for women who are caregivers like nurses or teachers. It tells them that you are selfless, and soon enough they'll be asking you for money."

    Linda, whose last name has been omitted to protect her privacy, was married for 28 years and separated a year ago. She was optimistic about the potential of online dating, as it could connect her to men outside her small, rural town outside of Boston, MA. But within days of her creating a profile on a popular dating site, she met her first scammer.

    "He fell in love with me overnight," Linda said. "He would say, 'You're so wonderful, I think I'm falling in love with you,' without even having met him."

    Her suitor told her he was from Greece and lived in New Jersey, working as a contractor. They talked over the phone for two months, but every time they would plan to meet, he would cancel at the last minute. Linda felt something was off about him after he asked her for money, so she hired a private investigator to check him out. She was shocked to find out that her potential love was a 20-year old from Nigeria, who had a history of scamming women for money.

    Romance scams cost nearly 5,900 victims more than $86.7 million last year, according to the FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center. A 2014 study conducted by AARP found that certain negative life experiences such as feeling isolated/lonely, divorce, or family/relationship problems put people at risk for being scammed online.

    Therefore, what you write in your dating profile can be huge indicator to scammers that you are vulnerable, need rescuing, or willing to give money to a love interest just to hold on to them.

    Some indicators you should avoid in your profile are sharing too much about your divorce journey or using particular language that shows you are sad or lonely.

    But managing the language of your dating profile is still a defensive method to fend off scammers and bad guys. To take more proactive measures, you can actually investigate and rate your date using the online site, Undolus.com. Co-Founder Kala Spigarelli chose the site's name based on the Latin word Dolus, which means 'deceit' or 'trickery.'
    My sister and I were tired of seeing women get scammed or hurt in the dating process, said Spigarelli. So we created a website that empowers women with the tools to investigate their date, as well as anonymously share their dating experiences within a closed, women-only membership platform.
    The website gives you important details about your date including his name and address, date of birth, criminal record, as well as property and business ownership information. It will also tell you if he has filed for bankruptcy or if he's been evicted, as well as other pertinent information you won't be able to find with a Google search.

    Think of Undolus.com as the TripAdvisor to dating, where you can search the name of the man you are dating, and see if he has a profile of good or bad reviews. But unlike the travel site, you aren't allowed to bash your date or use slander. Rather, you are asked to answer a number of questions like, "Did he call after the first date?" which will tally your feedback and rate his dating potential.

    Spigarelli warns newbie or post-divorce daters, particularly women over 50, to be cautious and proactive. "Don't just be a sitting duck and wait for something bad to happen," Spigarelli said. "Now you can do something about it. Take charge and know who you're dating, before you fall in love."



    Lindsey Ellison is founder of Start Over. Find Happiness, a coaching practice that helps women navigate through their divorce and break ups. She specializes in helping women break free from their partners, and offers a free webinar on how to so.
    Last edit by Spidey's mom on Jan 23
  4. by   Farawyn
    No... I'm talking about a friendship like what we all have that grows.
    Like...say Ted was single and he and I started getting close and decided to meet (Sorry Ted and Amy!!! Just using you as an example!!!)
    but we were meeting with he intent that we weren't just friends.
    Not a dating site.

    That being said, I'm not going to date. I don't want to join dating sites or anything. I just don't. I just want to be alone.
  5. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from Farawyn
    No... I'm talking about a friendship like what we all have that grows.
    Like...say Ted was single and he and I started getting close and decided to meet (Sorry Ted and Amy!!! Just using you as an example!!!)
    but we were meeting with he intent that we weren't just friends.
    Not a dating site.

    That being said, I'm not going to date. I don't want to join dating sites or anything. I just don't. I just want to be alone.
    (That's weird . . . I hit the "quote" button and it took awhile to get there and then it came up with all these suggestions about how to reply to a thread. Like I was a newbie!)

    I know you weren't looking specifically for dating sites but I was at work and had to do a quick search shhhh . . don't tell on me. Anyway, the same principals hold. Even here on AN, I'm not totally sure we portray our real selves.

    But I get what you mean . . . I have always like Zashagalka. But he's happily married with kids. Oh, and so am I.
  6. by   Farawyn
    Quote from Spidey's mom
    (That's weird . . . I hit the "quote" button and it took awhile to get there and then it came up with all these suggestions about how to reply to a thread. Like I was a newbie!)

    I know you weren't looking specifically for dating sites but I was at work and had to do a quick search shhhh . . don't tell on me. Anyway, the same principals hold. Even here on AN, I'm not totally sure we portray our real selves.

    But I get what you mean . . . I have always like Zashagalka. But he's happily married with kids. Oh, and so am I.
    Oh.
    I have a crush on OldDude. But we all knew that.

    I think I'm pretty real and true to who I am online. Ask Far's mom.
  7. by   Rose_Queen
    Quote from Farawyn
    Ask Far's mom.
    Far's mom would need to officially join... Hi Far's mom!

    I've only ever met one person from online in real life. It did not end well. Yes, it was a dating site situation.
  8. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from Farawyn
    Oh.
    I have a crush on OldDude. But we all knew that.

    I think I'm pretty real and true to who I am online. Ask Far's mom.
    I understand that crush as well.

    Davey makes me laugh. Laughing is good.
  9. by   VivaLasViejas
    I'm sooo not interested in dating, online or otherwise. I had the one great love of my life for 36 years, and I'm content with that. None of that single-life stuff for me.
  10. by   Farawyn
    Quote from VivaLasViejas
    I'm sooo not interested in dating, online or otherwise. I had the one great love of my life for 36 years, and I'm content with that. None of that single-life stuff for me.

    Yes.

    Right now I am in the crazy cat let me gain 100 pounds phase of my divorce. I still have my Christmas stuff up.
  11. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from VivaLasViejas
    I'm sooo not interested in dating, online or otherwise. I had the one great love of my life for 36 years, and I'm content with that. None of that single-life stuff for me.
    I honestly think that is where I would be as well if I were in your shoes. The rigamarole of trying to make a relationship would get in the way of me seeing my grandkids! Plus, I'm just not convinced I'd want a romantic relationship. I just can't see it.

    I was a zombie of sorts last night and watched one of those badly-acted Hallmark movies for Valentines. It was about an big-wig woman whose executive secretary signs her up for an online dating site lying about her job and a nurse who's best friend signs him up as well but says he is a doctor. They meet, go bowling, have a great time, start to fall for each other, find out they each lied, get their feelers hurt, walk away, come back, kiss, and all is well.

  12. by   Farawyn
    Quote from Spidey's mom
    I honestly think that is where I would be as well if I were in your shoes. The rigamarole of trying to make a relationship would get in the way of me seeing my grandkids! Plus, I'm just not convinced I'd want a romantic relationship. I just can't see it.

    I was a zombie of sorts last night and watched one of those badly-acted Hallmark movies for Valentines. It was about an big-wig woman whose executive secretary signs her up for an online dating site lying about her job and a nurse who's best friend signs him up as well but says he is a doctor. They meet, go bowling, have a great time, start to fall for each other, find out they each lied, get their feelers hurt, walk away, come back, kiss, and all is well.

    This.

    I was married to my hubs for 23 years, and we raised 2 beautiful boys. Clearly, he is the love of my life.
    I can't imagine doing anything more than a hook up now and then.
  13. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from Farawyn
    This.

    I was married to my hubs for 23 years, and we raised 2 beautiful boys. Clearly, he is the love of my life.
    I can't imagine doing anything more than a hook up now and then.
    I can't even imagine that.

    Lord have mercy at least my husband had the benefit of a younger me and we aged together.

    I cannot imagine . . . having to start from scratch now. I'm a tad older than you though. Just a tad.
  14. by   Farawyn
    Quote from Spidey's mom
    I can't even imagine that.

    Lord have mercy at least my husband had the benefit of a younger me and we aged together.

    I cannot imagine . . . having to start from scratch now. I'm a tad older than you though. Just a tad.

    Yes.
    A hook up.
    I'm not dead.

    That being said, a younger guy, an acquaintance, asked me out for just drinks. He knows my situation. I told him I'm not ready, even as friends.
    He said anytime.

    Eeeeeek!

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