I just caught my husband sexting another woman a couple hours ago. This is the second time this has happened (that I know about). The first time, we split up for a few days, but he begged me to come back and give him another chance, which I did. That was in November, and now in March here I am again, with him trying to hook up with some other woman, again. I'm in my prereqs for nursing school right now, I just took a job as a CNA at the best local hospital (imo), and we have a three-year-old daughter. We've had many arguments before about money (I work full-time, many times working overtime to make ends meet, and he job-hops whenever he gets angry at his coworkers/customers, finally settling at an auto parts store making $8 an hour...while again, I'm working full-time plus waiting tables and now taking a second job, just to make sure our daughter is well-provided for...) and about my nursing school. He thinks that I'm a bad mom because I am going to nursing school, spending a lot of my time on school and work, rather than spending all my time at home. I am doing what I am doing for my daughter, to provide for her and care for her, and so that I will have time to spend with her when she's growing up, because I'll be making good money, not having to wait tables and work evenings all the time and hope I make good tips so I can keep the lights on. I haven't wanted to stay with him and stay with all the arguing and misery, but I've been here. And now I've caught him again. I haven't even confronted him yet. That's for tomorrow. I don't want to stay up fighting with him, I don't want to sacrifice my sleep for him.
Mar 20, '13
I have no advice, just some support. Do what your heart says. Do you have any family that could help out a bit? Has he been helping with the bills? If you feel that you need to separate put into writing what your needs are from him. You will need child care while you work. He can help pay for that. If he is not there you may be eligible for some financial aid, perhaps food stamps or child care assistance. Think it all through before you make big decisions that will change the course of all your lives.
If he were to read your comments here how would he react? If you think it will cause more issues (some spouses would be very angry that their "dirty laundry" is being shared) make sure you use a safe place and if you use a phone make sure to erase all evidence. OK that sounds paranoid, but if it fits, do it. You are going through his phone so you already know you don't find things you would like to see when doing that. I would be upset if my spouse went through my phone - and I don't have anything incriminating on it. It is just that it is private, and mine. Seems like there are issues here beyond his texting. How did you find out about the other time?
If your work has an EAP, go there. Go to couples counseling. Work on the underlying issues that are part of this happening. If you decide to split than at least both of you can see why it won't work. If either one of you won't go to counseling that speaks loudly.
Best wishes. It is tough to go to school. It is much more difficult to do it with children. It is even tougher to do nursing schooling. Doing all this while working and going through a marriage break up is a formula to fail. Not saying you will, just that it will be a huge strain.
Oct 15, '13
I know I'm supposed to remain neutral with these kinds of life changing posts but as one female to another, you deserve better. No woman is a bad mother for wanting to better herself. NONE. Going to college is the best thing you could ever do for your family.
Nov 10, '13
I think I could have written this post. I am currently getting a divorce from an unfaithful man who has been sexting a woman for months. He is now with her and I enrolled in school. This has been a painful process for me and I have days when I wonder if I can do it all. The classes, being a single mom, his schoolwork, and extracirriculars. But I am happier now than I have been in a long time.
Nov 23, '13
So, OP, how's it going? What's the update? We're rooting for ya! And you too, Heathermaizey.
Nov 25, '13
Thank you very much GrnTea!! My divorce is almost over. Hopefully this week. The hard part has been my son. He is 7 and I had to put him in counseling about a month ago. He is starting to do better so I am happy about that. I'm looking forward to the future and all of the positive things I have going on.