Men Who Fail To Launch Into Adulthood - page 5
Here's a little demographic background on me. I am a female who was born in the early 1980s and am currently in my early thirties, so my birth year and age would place me at the end of Generation X... Read More
May 23, '14This phenomonen of kids staying a home and not growing up in further being reinforced by educators and psychologists, and even our own government now. I am a Gen Xer. When I had turned 18 and decided not to go to college, I could only stay on my parents insurance until I was 19. That was a big kick in the butt to get a full time job and take care of myself. I was employed full time and living on my own by 18. Now kids regardless of whether they are in college or not can stay on their parents insurance until 26. Twenty-Six years old!!! That is crazy if you ask me. There are no incentives to get these kids up and finding jobs and moving. Just let em live with mom, dad, or grandma. They will take care of everything for you. If if they get a job, the world is so unfair. They have to actually do physical work. And mom and dad the world is just not all full of the unicorns and rainbows you promised me.
My son is 8. I had him in a private Christian School for preschool and kindergarten. The public school district I am in is awful. They have a 50% graduation rate. My son had a total of 11 kids in his kindergarten class. Three boys and eight girls. At the end of the year, I was informed by the teacher that they wanted to hold him and another boy back. I was told they weren't as mature as the girls were, and he was a little behind on his reading. I did not want to hold him back. To me that was a huge decision and I would be taking a year of my son's adult life away so he could repeat kindergarten? I talked with the administrator of the school and he was showing me books and articles of how it would be better for me to have my son under my supervision another year and how kids aren't really adults until the age of 26. And boys are just further behind girls. I could not believe what this man was telling me. I thought this is the exact reason why 30 year old men are living at home with their parents and 5 kids. No one is teaching these kids to grow up. We just say oh, they are not ready yet, Give them more time.
I did not hold my son back. I transferred him to a public school that is the next district over. Funny, how he is on a 5th grade reading level now. He just needed the summer to catch up with the girls. His first grade teacher worked with him and now the kid loves to read. Reading and are his strong points.
At some point, we need to start teaching men to become men again. And women to be independent and proud of themselves. It's sad because I am currently single and some of the men I meet at the age of 40 still have not grown up. I have seen 50 year old men still having issues with jobs when they should be looking forward to the end of their working career and retirement. Believe me when you are 38 and looking for a man, it is not easy these days.
May 28, '14Quote from NightNurseRN13UUuuuuummmmm.....grow a backbone and get some standards?I'm in my early 30's as well. Met my 40+ year old boyfriend in nursing school. I passed Nursing school, he didn't. He tried again and failed again. Tried Paramedic classes, failed that and is currently trying again. I don't know what I'm going to do if he fails it again. He's not even really trying that hard.
Jul 14, '14This is actually a rather discriminatory, sexist, posting.
It may be your opinion, and it may be acceptable to publicly share your opinions (predicated upon a limited world view) online, but your scant bit of evidence, combined with your mixed sex statistics (cleverly mixed in without specifying sex, so as to allude that men are worse than attributed), is just awful.
How would women here react if I made a post full of my observations on women? I promise you that I would be banned from Allnurses at worst, and berated and demeaned at the least.
I appreciate you have observations which shape your extremely limited, juvenile, world view. But to suggest that your observations make truth, or right, then to seek justification of them is terrible. Replace "men" with any race. What happens? Pretty terrible, isn't it?
As a middle-aged male that is the sole care giver for his son, this is offensive. It, like many sex-based posts around Allnurses, suggest that men are to be demeaned, harassed, and that we are lesser beings. I'm OK with that, but this bit of sophistry takes the cake.
I realize, too, this is the 21st century, and women are learning and growing into areas where men usually held sway (as unfortunate a dichotomy as that has been). I realize that women are in a position to relearn their roles in society as they gain in power and affluence socially. Allow me to assure you that by expressing your sexist notions is not a good way to do it.
All I ask is that you replace men with women, and see if that offends (of course, it won't, the shoe-on-the-other-foot argument never works when one is defensive), maybe replace it with a race and see if it offends (it won't, for the same reason), but I think, deep down, you know it's offensive. You know, and were caught, skewing your argument with logical fallacies, and you were caught promoting sexism.
Hey, it's OK to keep your views. Cool. Post them. Fine. But don't expect people to agree with something as offensive as what you've posted.Last edit by Meesterjojo on Jul 14, '14
Jul 15, '14Quote from MeesterjojoGood morning!Hey, it's OK to keep your views. Cool. Post them. Fine. But don't expect people to agree with something as offensive as what you've posted.
Feel free to disagree. We welcome disagreements and opposing views since they generally help to boost the readership. Thank you for your comment.
Jul 15, '14What's more offensive is that you, as has males have been accused of, ignore the problem as if there is no way what you are saying is harmful, foul, or offensive, then proceed to mock me.
We certainly have come full-circle with civil rights in the U.S.
Imagine what would happen if a male posted the same about women? Or a white about african americans? Does that change the tone of your post? No. It only opens your eyes up- change the words and it's still offensive. If you can't replace "males"/"men" with any other discriminated group, and not see thee problem. Wow.
Further, you believe it's funny to mock males, to be sexist. In ignoring my accusation you accept the truth of it: you're being willfully sexist. In laughing about it, giving me a thumbs up, and claiming how great it is for readership, you express your belief that your sexism is good and wholesome.
Imagine if I were talking about rape, and my "belief" that rape accusations are, generally, false. Many women make these things up. It's all bull. Then I gave weak evidence other than my personal experience, and summed it all up with the "fact" that women are inherently liars, and deceitful, and generally aren't worth equal respect.
Then, when you complain that what I said is sexist, I simply said something like, "Hey, I'm going to ignore all of your points, though they may be valid, because they increase readership, and sexism, and discrimination are good things in our society "
That's what you just did. Nice.
The fact you are unwilling to even look at what you said, seek an opinion from others, illustrates how the tables have turned socially- women, once and still complaining about rampant sexism from males, now unwittingly go from victims to the very ones perpetrating the most heinous abuses.
Jul 15, '14I don't think that is what Commuter meant at all. I think she is welcoming your thoughts. I agree that it can be any one who can fit the "failure to launch in adulthood" category. I think she is relaying her personal experience.
I see what you are saying and I have met humans in all walks of life, ethnicity, sex, and size who fail to launch into responsible adulthood. It seems to be a growing issue. I happen to have a wonderful husband and father of our children...but I sure kissed a few toads in between...which of course was my poor judgement of character.
I read this as ....I have had several boyfriends who failed to launch into adulthood...where are all the good men! I see it as personal vent and not an entire slam to one sex or another....but I hear what you are saying and how that can be interpreted by some as being sexist.
I truly don't think she meant to be flippant when she said she welcomed your input. ((HUGS))
Jul 15, '14I can defend many things I don't believe in. Language, speech- it's such a delicate thing. We never see the harm that we do with our words.
For generations males have been the dominant sex in the U.S. We used rhetoric to hold women and minority races down beneath us.
Now, of course, we are subjected to it. It took us a long time to understand the power of words, as males. It seems, though, that women (though while they complain about being victims, and rightly so, of words) don't seem to understand. Yet. It will probably take generations for that to occur.
If I made a post, heck, let's just use her original post. Now, take out all references to men or males and place African Americans there. Is the post offensive to you? Yes, good, it should be. Nothing has changed, only the target group.
She did not mean to offend, but her true colors came through when she ignored that men are humans, that she was promoting one sex by tearing down another, and she did so by utilizing logical fallacies and slight of hand (easier to say sophistry).
It's easy to dismiss and defend, especially when you are in the OP's group. If you are a woman you are more likely to respond agreeably/empathize with the original post.
This is the exact same scenario that women and minorities have complained about for ages. Then women say they are ignored, laughed at, and further victimized. All which has been done here.
Men are not lesser than women. She could have written a post about her opinion without statements of supposed facts. She could have made a post giving credence (as a good author not trying to persuade her audience to a predetermined line of thinking) to women in the same position as the men she describes.
She chose, willfully, not to.
When confronted she laughs it off.
This is the definition of sexism, and the very model of the struggle women have gone through to achieve some balance of equality in the U.S. And still, this seems strange to females here.
It's the same as men that don't see a problem with bringing their family to Hooters to eat, or that speak in a derogatory manner about women in front of their wives. It's the same as office place harassment- innocuous as it is, men in power chatting about women, the ones they hate, what a b- she is, how hot she is, what a dummy she is. It's gossipy, and serves no function other than to seek justification from members of ones own group, in this case females.
I think it ironic, Esme, that you quote Ralph Waldo Emerson, and don't see the irony of what you are defending.
Further, in seeing what I say, then why is her post allowed? It offends. Hitler wrote a piece of opinion called, "Mein Kampf". He supported it with dubious facts, but it was opinion. It incited a nation which then chose to ignore the plight of entire peoples. 50 million plus ignored.
Words, they have power. And as women are taking an increasingly more dominant role in society, maybe it's time they realize that what they say can have consequences, that what they say can offend- even if some people agree (how can 50 million people be wrong, after all). You want respect, you want equality- welcome.
Jul 15, '14Goodwin's Law....
It is clear you are offended and I acknowledge your feelings....and I'm sorry you are offended. Not that it matters...but I am sorry. I don't like to see people upset. Thank you for your point of view. It is valid and worth hearing.
Jul 20, '16My great grandmother , who is 106, always gave me great advice and her perspective on different topics. I always try to apply her wisdom to real life situations. One of the things she stated to me is as follows :
"You can speak your fancy words and talk untill the cows come home ,but at the end of it all,you will not have enough gravy to cover a chicken fried steak."
Your thoughts are merely opinions and it does not hold any higher value than any other opinions.
Having said that, my opinion is that everything you stated could be accurate, and it's a rather complex analagy. Or it may very well be a much simpler concept. The problem could be you. The latter is what I choose to believe .
Again,my opinion doesn't mean much but it is just as accurate as your opinion. Neither of which needs validation. If all the men you meet are as you say, and this has been a problem throughout your life. Is it really that impossible that you are not the problem. Maybe they are playing xbox because they simply don't like you. Or maybe you are completely wrong. I highly doubt that they care what you believe. You are simply disgruntled by your lack of success with men.
I don't know any real men that behave in this fashion. It's sounds like you need to get the root of the problem and figure out why this always happen to you . Stop blaming others and be accountable for your own shortcomings. And just maybe you will find the man of your dreams that is just as perfect as you.