I am fed up with my life, marriage and everything:(

  1. 0 Hello. How are you? I don't know what do to anymore with my marriage. I have been married for 3 years. We never really had a sex life. Had sex one or twice every six months or so. I don't know how will i ever have a kid. I am thirty three years old now.

    My husband is never happy with how i keep the house, how i don't keep things clean and organized. It's been going on since we got married. and we fight most of the time. And he gives me the silent treatment 70 percent of the time. and i found out he was talking and hanging out with some girl behind my back couple of months ago. He said it will not happen again.

    I don't know what to do. People are always saying how come you are not pregnant yet. lol how funny? I would love to get a divorce and start over. But I don't have any support system. I am scared to be alone. I might end up alone all my life. I don't know what to do? and at my job I am struggling because there is so much to learn and I am lost most of the time.

    I don't know what to do or how to do it. Please advice..Is life suppose to be like this?? Is marriage..always this hard?? Help
    Last edit by tnbutterfly on Feb 11, '12 : Reason: Reformatting post
  2. Visit  lifein08 profile page

    About lifein08

    Joined Aug '08; Posts: 129; Likes: 29.

    58 Comments so far...

  3. Visit  tnbutterfly profile page
    0
    Moved to Dating/Relationships forum.
  4. Visit  RN in training profile page
    8
    No, life is NOT supposed to be like this, and no, marriage is not always that hard. It can be very hard at times, but it sounds like you have an especially tough situation. I'm sorry to hear that. I don't want to give you advice because I don't know you at all really, but I do know that you as a person deserve to be in a relationship that lifts you up and helps take away some of life's stresses, not the other way around. Please acknowledge your value as a strong amazing awesome woman, and demand the best for yourself that life has to offer whether it means working on fixing your relationship with dh or putting an end to it. Good luck, I really feel for you. I will pray for you and I hope things start looking up. Sending :heartbeat!!!
    weemsp, nursefrances, BCgradnurse, and 5 others like this.
  5. Visit  TopazLover profile page
    11
    Agree marriage is hard work. This sounds to me, strictly as an outsider who knows nothing, as one that is in need of outside help. A decent marriage counselor can help identify real issues. And can help find real solutions. Divorce does not always have to be the first option.

    Someone once told me to "Do something now. In 5 years you will be 5 years older and 5 years madder." Good advice. After we talked it took me 2 years to do something. In those two years I got 5 years madder. Don't wait.
    GrnTea, nursefrances, not.done.yet, and 8 others like this.
  6. Visit  Tweety profile page
    10
    He's not providing your needs on any level whatsoever, gives you the silent treatment and criticizes you. Is this better to you than being alone and childless? Do you really want to have a child with this man? What kind of father would he be? Would he magically change into the person you want him to be?
    GrnTea, pat8585, nursefrances, and 7 others like this.
  7. Visit  Spidey's mom profile page
    9
    I agree with getting some counseling for yourself.

    But I think not having kids is a good idea for now.

    Tweety is right - is this the man you want to raise your children? Would he be a good father?

    You have an opportunity to end this marriage right now without any repercussions to children. Don't get pregnant!!
    GrnTea, not.done.yet, tewdles, and 6 others like this.
  8. Visit  ScottE profile page
    4
    Sounds like a real jackass.
    tewdles, BCgradnurse, Poi Dog, and 1 other like this.
  9. Visit  Poi Dog profile page
    6
    Hi there,

    I've gotten divorced and no, I didn't have a support system but guess what? I made it through and while I am not advocating for a divorce, do you really want to spend the rest of your life waiting for things to change? Your dh is not there for you emotionally. Yeah, he is there physically but are you happy? Forget about him, let's talk about you and your needs. What do you want to do? What would make you happy?

    I've heard somewhere that it is better to be alone and unhappy vs. being with someone who makes you miserable. Oftentimes people think having a child will make things better. The problems you had pre-child will be there when you wake up unless you fix them.

    I wish you clarity to make some positive changes.

    Be in charge of your happiness.

    Drive the bus, sister.
    GrnTea, tewdles, BCgradnurse, and 3 others like this.
  10. Visit  BCgradnurse profile page
    4
    Marriage takes work but both parties have be willing to do the work. I agree that counseling is in order. If he won't go with you then go by yourself. Start putting some money aside so you will be in a better financial place if you do decide to divorce. Life is too short to be miserable.
    tewdles, Wild Irish LPN, Poi Dog, and 1 other like this.
  11. Visit  vegas2009 profile page
    1
    It's better to be alone than to be with the wrong person. Life is short, don't waste your time on people who are not meant for you. The dude is not meant for you. So, the faster you're out of the marriage, the less miserable you'll become. Bad marriages age people faster.
    Last edit by vegas2009 on Apr 14, '12
    GrnTea likes this.
  12. Visit  mindlor profile page
    3
    People down play the importance of a healthy sexual relationship. A marriage without sex is a dead marriage.

    Talk to your husband.......did you have sex more frequently when you were dating?

    My best advice is to see a therapist that specializes in sexual dysfunction.
  13. Visit  commonsense profile page
    0
    Quote from lifein08
    Hello. How are you? I don't know what do to anymore with my marriage. I have been married for 3 years. We never really had a sex life. Had sex one or twice every six months or so. I don't know how will i ever have a kid. I am thirty three years old now.

    My husband is never happy with how i keep the house, how i don't keep things clean and organized. It's been going on since we got married. and we fight most of the time. And he gives me the silent treatment 70 percent of the time. and i found out he was talking and hanging out with some girl behind my back couple of months ago. He said it will not happen again.

    I don't know what to do. People are always saying how come you are not pregnant yet. lol how funny? I would love to get a divorce and start over. But I don't have any support system. I am scared to be alone. I might end up alone all my life. I don't know what to do? and at my job I am struggling because there is so much to learn and I am lost most of the time.

    I don't know what to do or how to do it. Please advice..Is life suppose to be like this?? Is marriage..always this hard?? Help
    You seem very frustrated and unhappy with your marriage, which is translating to frustration and unhappiness in your life. I agree with the previous members, do not have a child in this situation. Having a child will just amplify the situation. A wise man once said, if something is not broke, don't fix it. I think the opposite applies as well, if something is broke, either fix or replace it.
  14. Visit  mercyteapot profile page
    5
    You say you don't want to be alone, but it sounds like you already are. Your huband isn't providing you with emotionsl support or nurturing. Bear that in mind as you ponder difficult choices. Remember, too, that you'll never find the right man if you stay with the wrong one. Good luck.
    sharpeimom, Poi Dog, juzme, and 2 others like this.

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