Don't Waste Your Limited Time

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    I once heard a wise saying: "You can bring him to the used car lot, but you cannot make him buy the car." In other words, if a man has said that he does not want to marry or have children, there's not much a woman can do to change his mind or convince him to do otherwise. It is time for the woman to cut her losses and move on. However, many women cling to the hope that he will 'be fixed.'

    Don't Waste Your Limited Time

    One of my coworkers, a nurse whom I'll call Emma, is an average-looking blonde in her mid 30s with an even temperament. Even though she has never married or had children, she still holds out hope for wedlock and kids sometime in the near future.

    However, a major holdup exists. Emma's boyfriend, an immature guy in his mid twenties with current legal problems, is not exactly marriage material and does not want to be tied down to the baby carriage anytime soon. In fact, she describes him as a mama's boy. Nonetheless, she stands by her man with steadfast devotion out of the misguided goal to avoid being single.

    Here are my unsolicited thoughts on the issue. As Emma's biological clock ticks, she is wasting limited time with a guy who does not want the same things that she desires. Since she is in her mid 30s and has a very narrow biological window for having healthy offspring, she should focus on meeting a man who is open to eventually getting married and having children with her.

    I once heard a saying: "You can bring him to the used car lot, but you cannot make him buy the car." In other words, if a male has clearly indicated that he does not want to get married or have children, there's really not much that a woman can do to change his mind, 'fix him,' or convince him to do otherwise.

    My best friend, a divorcee with a young son, is a nurse whom I'll call Kim. She was 31 years old when the divorce from her former husband was finalized, and during that year, became romantically involved with a coworker who was in his late 40s. Kim's goals included finding a stable stepfather for her son, getting remarried, and eventually having another child.

    However, Kim's older boyfriend already had three children and did not want wedlock or any more kids. Despite his blatant insistence on no remarriage or kids, she moved him into her house and was convinced that he would 'come around' someday. To keep a long story short, they broke up three years later when she was 34 years old. As her biological clock ticked, she wasted three years with this man.

    I asked Kim, "Why did you stay with him all those years when you knew he didn't want what you wanted?"

    She responded, "I've never been single during my adult life. I've always had somebody."

    Kim met her current boyfriend on an internet dating site last year and they are planning to get married next year. Although her fiance is a childless guy who desperately wants children, Kim is almost 37 years old, has several health issues, and her most fertile years are behind her.

    The moral of my story is the fact that one person cannot twist another's arm and force him/her into anything. If your boyfriend has loudly spoken the words, "I don't want to get married or have kids," there's nothing you can do to change his mind. As a woman with a limited social clock and a narrow biological window for bringing healthy children into this world, it would be best to cut your losses and move on.

    In other words, do not be afraid to be single. Too many women avoid the single life at all costs, and the end result sometimes involves much pain, heartache, and wasted time. If he is telling you something that you do not want to hear, perhaps it is time to listen.
    Last edit by Joe V on Jan 24, '17
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    4 Comments

  3. by   ktwlpn
    aargh! I get so SICK of hearing that crap at work.It seems that at every turn I am working with a woman stuck in a bad relationship and trumpeting all of the gory details to the entire unit.Here is what I have learned
    #1-if they say they don't love you,they really don't and you can't make them....so shut up and GO.
    #2- if they say they don't want a baby,ever(they really mean it) don't get pregnant anyway,you 'll end up a single mother.Shut up and GO.
    #3-Cheaters will cheat,that's what they do,drinkers will drink and druggies will drug.You can't fix them so don't ignore the red flags .If your man is about to be sentenced to hardtime for his 4th DUI and is still drinking and denies having a problem, it's time to GO.Sudden "money trouble"? Red flag. Suddenly missing alot of work or fired? Red flag.
    #4 If you are cheating on your husband with a co-worker expect it to blow up right there on the unit.Especially if your husband is an ancilary employee. You can't keep that kind of secret for long in a small town.
    #5 Ifyou seem to enjoy being in such a situation and regularly come to work in tears from the latest dust up,bruised and bawling and deaf to advice and offers of assistance then eventually your co-workers will disengage.
    If you don't have self respect then you are not going to command respect from others.......
  4. by   TheCommuter
    Quote from ktwlpn
    Here is what I have learned
    #1-if they say they don't love you,they really don't and you can't make them....so shut up and GO.
    #2- if they say they don't want a baby,ever(they really mean it) don't get pregnant anyway,you 'll end up a single mother.Shut up and GO.
    #3-Cheaters will cheat,that's what they do,drinkers will drink and druggies will drug.You can't fix them so don't ignore the red flags .If your man is about to be sentenced to hardtime for his 4th DUI and is still drinking and denies having a problem, it's time to GO.Sudden "money trouble"? Red flag. Suddenly missing alot of work or fired? Red flag.
    Yes. Not only do men generally say what they mean, but they also mean what they say. It seems that too many women willfully ignore the statements that their boyfriends make because it is not what they want to hear.

    Many reasonably intelligent women also linger in bad relationships out of the unrealistic fear of being single. In other words, they need to be with somebody (anybody), even if the guy will never meet their needs. Thus, these women are wasting time.
  5. by   joanna73
    For single women, I find the reverse is also true. I'm 40, and happily single. My last steady boyfriend was 2006, and I broke it off for various reasons. Before him, aside from a few dates, I was 24 when I was seriously involved. While it can be lonely sometimes, I actually prefer and enjoy singlehood. I have never subscribed to the idea that someone isn't complete without a partner. People often say things to me like, "But you're intelligent and pretty. Why don't you have a man?" As if there's something wrong with being single. I also don't like kids all that much, and I decided 10 years ago that I wasn't having any. To which I still hear, "You can still have a baby." No thanks, and not at 40. People need to be realistic, but also live and let live.
  6. by   Joe V
    Good advice.

    It reminds me of those who are in an abusive relationship. They stick by their partner no matter what you tell them.

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