age differences, weight lifting supplements, sex issues

  1. 0
    First off, thank you in advance if you read this entire post! My boyfriend of almost 4 years is almost 15 years older than I am. I am turning 25 soon and he will be 40 in the fall. He is a very patient and kind person who treats me great. We get along well and for the most part I do not notice our age difference. I was an only child and had some pretty serious childhood situations that aged me a little beyond my years. However, there have been pretty steady issues with physical intimacy recently.

    Let me preface the intimacy problems by informing you of his weight lifting supplement habits when we first met. The relationship was initially casual and I really didn't know much about all of this GNC stuff he was constantly taking. Things were not serious so it was none of my business. Then once we were committed several months later, I uncovered some questionable online behavior and he expressed concern of possibly having a sex addiction. We were able to get through it somehow, but he basically didn't address it, retracted, and now claims to be sure that is not the case.

    Two years ago this past fall he moved in with me. I added him to my gym membership and when he returned to his pretty strict work out routine I asked him if he planned on taking the 'pro-hormone supplements' he was taking when we first met. He looked at me like 'well yeah, of course!' and so the battle began.

    Finally, it came to the point where I had to lay it all out on the table and tell him "I want to have kids some day and if you don't care about having kids and are going to do things that threaten your ability to have them please do not waste my time". With that he knew I meant business and expressed that he did want kids, but didn't believe anything he was doing was threatening that. He basically agreed to not take them, but did not agree with my opinion about what that crap does to your body.

    In the last year and a half there has been significant strain on the relationship because his libido has crashed. I'm the one constantly initiating the intimacy and most of the time it feels like he would be fine to roll over and go to sleep. Once things get started, we're clear for take off and there isn't any lack of ability going on. When it does happen, it is good but it is inconsistent and infrequent.

    There is no spontaneity and I just don't feel wanted like a woman should. There really is not a possibility of messing around, he works close by and is never dishonest about what he is up to. I do not handle rejection very well. I know some days just don't work for both people, but it happens way more than it ever should. After a week or two with a few rejections in a row, I become irritated, stressed out, insecure, resentful, and lay awake tossing and turning.:uhoh21: I inevitably lose sleep wondering what is wrong; become very tired, cold, and cranky.

    So after much thinking about this whole thing, it seems to me like the crap he was taking before was driving his libido through the roof. Hence why he questioned the presence of sex addiction. Then, once he abruptly stopped taking them after injuring his back dead lifting 335lbs off the floor (yes I'm serious, I know it is ridiculous, and I had to take him to the ER), his body didn't bounce back as well as it used to and his libido crashed. Most likely his body was not making the same amount of normal testosterone after he stopped taking the supplements.

    He will not admit that the supplements could have anything to do with his libido pulling a Houdini, which is irritating. He also complains of fatigue and several significant joint aches more than he ever used to. He had blood work done after the you know what hit the fan between us. He paid out of pocket as he has no insurance. They ordered a prolactin test instead of testosterone!

    Everything on his blood work was normal, but the "low T" question was never answered. I could slap the MD who ordered that lab test and the problems persist. I frequently feel guilty and don't want to make him feel bad. He sucks at communicating, he is passive, and wouldn't say crap if he had a mouth full most of the time. This subject is difficult even for me who clearly can't shut up to discuss with him.

    Sooo, I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through any similar problems? I have no idea if the supplements he was taking could still be affecting his testosterone levels 2 years later or what kind of damage he might have done to himself. He was taking a product called Methyl D which was hauled off the shelves by the FDA shortly after he purchased it, but he took it anyway! Despite the fact the bottle had warnings like "may cause male breast growth, infertility, premature balding, increased blood pressure, increased cholesterol, etc"!

    I don't like to bring up old crap but it sure seems to keep haunting us. More recently I have begun to worry if we will be able to conceive children whenever we do decide to have them. My Obgyn said she once had patient whose husband was taking this sort of thing behind her back and his sperm count was next to nothing. I don't know what to do. Half the time I feel like it has something to do with me, the other half of the time I'm more rational and think it probably has something to do with him medically. Thanks for reading. Thoughts, info, and advice are appreciated....
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  5. 2
    Hi dragonfly-

    I'm sorry you're going through all this. I have seen this happen a couple of times with patients. I personally think most of these supplements are crap, if not downright dangerous. As you know, we can't give medical advice, but it sounds like some couples counseling might be in order, as this is a huge issue in your relationship. Would he be willing to go? If not, it might be helpful for you to speak with someone, to see if this is really a relationship you want to be in. Better to do this now, before you marry or have children. He doesn't seem to want to take care of himself, you can't make him change, so it's time to focus on you and what you want/need.

    Best of luck to you.
    dragonfly414 and Poi Dog like this.
  6. 0
    Quote from dragonfly414
    First off, thank you in advance if you read this entire post! My boyfriend of almost 4 years is almost 15 years older than I am. I am turning 25 soon and he will be 40 in the fall. He is a very patient and kind person who treats me great. We get along well and for the most part I do not notice our age difference. I was an only child and had some pretty serious childhood situations that aged me a little beyond my years. However, there have been pretty steady issues with physical intimacy recently.

    Let me preface the intimacy problems by informing you of his weight lifting supplement habits when we first met. The relationship was initially casual and I really didn't know much about all of this GNC stuff he was constantly taking. Things were not serious so it was none of my business. Then once we were committed several months later, I uncovered some questionable online behavior and he expressed concern of possibly having a sex addiction. We were able to get through it somehow, but he basically didn't address it, retracted, and now claims to be sure that is not the case.

    Two years ago this past fall he moved in with me. I added him to my gym membership and when he returned to his pretty strict work out routine I asked him if he planned on taking the 'pro-hormone supplements' he was taking when we first met. He looked at me like 'well yeah, of course!' and so the battle began.

    Finally, it came to the point where I had to lay it all out on the table and tell him "I want to have kids some day and if you don't care about having kids and are going to do things that threaten your ability to have them please do not waste my time". With that he knew I meant business and expressed that he did want kids, but didn't believe anything he was doing was threatening that. He basically agreed to not take them, but did not agree with my opinion about what that crap does to your body.

    In the last year and a half there has been significant strain on the relationship because his libido has crashed. I'm the one constantly initiating the intimacy and most of the time it feels like he would be fine to roll over and go to sleep. Once things get started, we're clear for take off and there isn't any lack of ability going on. When it does happen, it is good but it is inconsistent and infrequent.

    There is no spontaneity and I just don't feel wanted like a woman should. There really is not a possibility of messing around, he works close by and is never dishonest about what he is up to. I do not handle rejection very well. I know some days just don't work for both people, but it happens way more than it ever should. After a week or two with a few rejections in a row, I become irritated, stressed out, insecure, resentful, and lay awake tossing and turning.:uhoh21: I inevitably lose sleep wondering what is wrong; become very tired, cold, and cranky.

    So after much thinking about this whole thing, it seems to me like the crap he was taking before was driving his libido through the roof. Hence why he questioned the presence of sex addiction. Then, once he abruptly stopped taking them after injuring his back dead lifting 335lbs off the floor (yes I'm serious, I know it is ridiculous, and I had to take him to the ER), his body didn't bounce back as well as it used to and his libido crashed. Most likely his body was not making the same amount of normal testosterone after he stopped taking the supplements.

    He will not admit that the supplements could have anything to do with his libido pulling a Houdini, which is irritating. He also complains of fatigue and several significant joint aches more than he ever used to. He had blood work done after the you know what hit the fan between us. He paid out of pocket as he has no insurance. They ordered a prolactin test instead of testosterone!

    Everything on his blood work was normal, but the "low T" question was never answered. I could slap the MD who ordered that lab test and the problems persist. I frequently feel guilty and don't want to make him feel bad. He sucks at communicating, he is passive, and wouldn't say crap if he had a mouth full most of the time. This subject is difficult even for me who clearly can't shut up to discuss with him.

    Sooo, I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through any similar problems? I have no idea if the supplements he was taking could still be affecting his testosterone levels 2 years later or what kind of damage he might have done to himself. He was taking a product called Methyl D which was hauled off the shelves by the FDA shortly after he purchased it, but he took it anyway! Despite the fact the bottle had warnings like "may cause male breast growth, infertility, premature balding, increased blood pressure, increased cholesterol, etc"!

    I don't like to bring up old crap but it sure seems to keep haunting us. More recently I have begun to worry if we will be able to conceive children whenever we do decide to have them. My Obgyn said she once had patient whose husband was taking this sort of thing behind her back and his sperm count was next to nothing. I don't know what to do. Half the time I feel like it has something to do with me, the other half of the time I'm more rational and think it probably has something to do with him medically. Thanks for reading. Thoughts, info, and advice are appreciated....
    I'm sorry to hear about your troubles dragonfly414. Relationships all have their ups and downs and it seems you are at a low point in yours. As far as your husbands decreased libido is concerned, I don't think the supplements are to blame. It very could be low testosterone though, as he is getting out of his prime years. I think the first step is to address the testosterone, have the practitioner draw testosterone levels and move from there.
  7. 1
    20 or so years ago I was in a very similar situation. I was flattered that an older, mature man was interested in ME! I stayed with him way longer than I should..When I got into my 30's, he started to look like an old man to me.
    In my 40's I still feel bitter. He stole my youth so to speak. I can't get it back.
    You are still young, and at 25 it feels like you will be young forever.
    If there are serious problems now, they usually only get worse
    at the least, I would seek some advice from an expert.
    Hope things work out for you
    jadelpn likes this.
  8. 0
    I agree with stargazer--sometimes if someone has their own issues to work through (and who wouldn't having a difficult upbringing) will sometimes hold onto relationships that perhaps they should not. Just by saying that you are sometimes "up all night" thinking of this stuff tells me that perhaps you are not in a place to realize this is not about you.
    If you have him get a testosterone test, and it comes back low, then what? Given his history, I wouldn't want to be one with him starting to take too much testosterone when he likes the way it makes him feel. With all that being said, not too many 40 year olds are raring to go in the bedroom like they were when they were 25. This is not a reflection of you. Get some expert advice, counseling, and really think on if this is where you would like to be in your life. Pros and cons. And if the pros outweigh the cons, God bless you and see what you can do to be ok with how things are at present. And if the cons outweigh the pros, see what you can do to really know how to be independent. It is an interesting dynamic that sometimes, when we are really good caretakers, it spills into our personal lives to such an extent that it is to our own determent. No one can tell you to "get rid of him" and that is not what I am suggesting. But at 25, I urge you to get help and support for yourself. Hope this all works out for you.
  9. 0
    Is he still in pain from his back? Chronic pain changes people. Does he take narcotics? Those affect libido too. Is he able to work out since the injury? Has he gained weight/lost muscle? If he was a beefy guy before, being unable to work out like he prefers could affect how he sees himself. Just a few questions that have come to mind. This sounds.....complicated.

    I hope you are able to get to the bottom of it. My husband is 16.5 years older than me, in his late 50s and the sex is...let's just say....our marriage is very strong. It doesn't have to be the way you are describing and 40 is not old enough to be having a natural tank in virility for most men without some underlying issue, whether pain, psychological, pharmaceutical or hormonal.

    Your marriage is in trouble. I hope you have told him that. Perhaps it would be the push needed to get to the bottom of things.


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