A floor crush - how do I deal with this?

  1. Please don't interpret this as pompous or conceited, I just don't know what to do...

    I'm currently one of only two males that work the floor for day and night shifts.

    A co-worker is either really, really sweet and kind, or is interested in a possible relationship.

    I had a four hour conversation with her the other night and she all of a sudden mentioned my lack of phone/text communication over the last couple of weeks. The tremulous tone in her voice suggested some emotional issues she was having about this and I responded with what she wanted to hear.

    Up until this time, I don't feel I have been leading her on, but now have a date night setup because I'm weak and was put on the spot.

    In the clinical setting, everyone naturally has to work right up under each other - for better or worse - so I'm not quite sure how to approach this case of unrequited affection. I know what I should do, but I'm afraid of the recoil with something like this, as many nurses and techs have a knack for retaliation and vengeance.

    I'm flattered because this sort of thing never happens, to me, at least.

    Any advice is appreciated.
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  2. 10 Comments

  3. by   not.done.yet
    Please nip this in the bud now. Do NOT go on that date or go on it ONLY to make things clear. It will only get worse if you lead her on further. I know it is no fun breaking someone's heart but sometimes hearts have to be broken. It will get massively worse if you kiss or, goodness forbid, sleep together. You need to tell her honestly that you think she is great to work with but that you aren't interest in a relationship and you didn't mean to lead her on. No need to put "because we work together" on the end of that or any other justification. She misinterpreted things. Respect her enough to tell her so, even though it will be hard. Don't tell her at work. Don't tell her over text. Don't text outside of work. Don't friend on Facebook. Don't do anything that can be construed as this being more than a work relationship. And then learn. Learn from this.

    If things go south after (and they will to some degree, at least temporarily, most likely), then schedule your shifts on different days than hers as much as possible.
  4. by   Been there,done that
    This has nothing to do with nursing.

    Cancel the date, tell her you are not interested.
  5. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Don't eat where you poop.

    Nix the date and keep your professional and personal lives separate. That is a lesson we all do well to learn early on. Keep your dating pool out of your work area.
  6. by   Sour Lemon
    Quote from Been there,done that
    This has nothing to do with nursing.

    Cancel the date, tell her you are not interested.
    Agreed ....sounds like a 13 year old's "dear diary" entry.
  7. by   Purple_roses
    I feel like I just read a page from Pride and Prejudice.
  8. by   llg
    Quote from Purple_roses
    I feel like I just read a page from Pride and Prejudice.
    Hey! Don't dis Jane Austin. She was a great writer. Plots very sophisticated and subtle. This doesn't come close. As a previous poster said, it's more like a 13 year old's "dear diary" entry.
  9. by   Purple_roses
    Quote from llg
    Hey! Don't dis Jane Austin. She was a great writer. Plots very sophisticated and subtle. This doesn't come close. As a previous poster said, it's more like a 13 year old's "dear diary" entry.
    I'll give you that. I meant it more in the "I want to be with you...but I simply cannot" *swoons and dramatically turns away, then looks back over shoulder with glistening eyes*

    I myself am a Pride and Prejudice fan. But that level of romantic drama isn't what I'd expect to see on a nursing forum.

    However, OP, you may take some advice from the beginning of Pride and Prejudice. If she asks you if you dance, do say "not if I can help it," turn swiftly enough to let your coattails sway, and then don't look back. Because you have a job to do and don't have time to play the role of Mr. Darcy while you're taking care of patients.
    Last edit by Purple_roses on Apr 18
  10. by   Hygiene Queen
    Quote from danedsel
    I had a four hour conversation with her the other night and she all of a sudden mentioned my lack of phone/text communication over the last couple of weeks. The tremulous tone in her voice suggested some emotional issues she was having about this and I responded with what she wanted to hear.

    Up until this time, I don't feel I have been leading her on, but now have a date night setup because I'm weak and was put on the spot.
    What I bolded is a huge red flag. She is obviously reading more into the relationship than what there really is. There is no relationship and she is already "tremulous"... you will be in a world of pain if you allow this to continue.

    She probably does have a whopper of a crush on you and-- I'm going to go out on a limb here-- I'm guessing she has some self-esteem issues. She seems clingy already. That, however, is not your problem-- it's hers.

    You're going to have to do a very hard thing and be straight with her. You may not have had the heart to do it before, but to set up a date with no real interest is rather cruel and misleading. She's already reading too much into the relationship. If you go through with a date, it will surely seal the deal in her mind.

    What you tell her is up to you, but you can be kind without being wishy-washy. Leave no room for any misinterpretation or the slightest sliver of false hope. How she copes with it is up to her.

    Good luck.
    Last edit by Hygiene Queen on Apr 18 : Reason: words
  11. by   amoLucia
    Oh, puh leeze!!

    This is either popcorn worthy or has the potential to become a real heartbreaking soap opera.

    OP - you obviously have already felt the negative vibe signals that she's putting out there. And you need us to tell you what you already know?!?!

    Are you expecting someone here to really tell you 'yeah, go for it'?

    Bad news and you already know it, so listen to your wise inner voice and avoid the situation like the plague
  12. by   Avid reader
    Since you are inexperienced, I'm not sure how you could possibly trust your judgement or even determine her responses. I say go on the date but insert your trepidations re how badly work place romances can become. Then set some rules if you do like the date and if she is mature enough to agree, explore carefully further. No Sex for at least five dates and assess ongoing encounters. Sometimes the best things are the most difficult so don't rule out because of the degree of difficulty. Remember you spoke for many hours so you must have clicked somewhat, but be careful.

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