Experiencing Middle Age Crisis (of sorts)

  1. Hello -

    I'm just starting this thread. I will come back and add to it. Just want to say - to admit, actually - that I am experiencing a Middle Age Crises (of sorts). It's nothing unusual. Just feeling time passing by quickly. Too quickly. Part of it is watching my family getting older, or dying. All of my grandparents have passed away. My mother passed away (a few years ago). My father? He's showing his age and then some. This is scaring me beyond words.

    I've led a good life. A fulfilled life. I am STILL leading a good and fulfilled life! I hold no regrets. The goals and wishes that I have are different at this stage in life, though. My biggest wish at present?? I wish I could retire NOW! I mean NOW!! Why? So that I am not too old to do the things that I want to do on a daily basis like hiking, write music, do videography, travel; I wish to be creative without that feeling of being tired from work. I want to do these things without the worries and experiences of an aging body.

    I know that I am NOT alone in experiencing any kind of "Middle Age Crisis". I would be surprised if someone told me that they never experienced one.

    This is a thread for people having similar feelings, wishes, experiences. Please feel free to share. Your post(s) will be read and received with much empathy and great respect.
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  2. 15 Comments

  3. by   Spidey's mom
    I think of myself as middle-aged but in reality, I'm a bit over

    My goal is the same as yours and that is to be able to retire NOW and travel and be with my kids and grandkids. I'd like to stay in nursing maybe on a very part-time basis and also go on medical mission trips.

    But I am tired of working all the time. I've worked since I was a teenager - taking time out to be a stay-at-home mom. I've worked pretty much full time for the last 19 years as a nurse.

    There is so much I still want to do and not being able to take the time off to do so is depressing.

    So yeah, I'm with you Ted.
  4. by   Ted
    Steph - It is true. I'm actually older than being "middle-aged" too. Ugh. . .

    Part of my problem is the size of my debt. It's manageable, but ridiculously high. It limits choices. Our home is on the market by-in-large to help pear down our debt and enable us to save more $$$$ for an earlier retirement.

    One of the big issues that I face, though, is watching my father weaken as he ages. My father and his wife made the decision to move back up to New York State from the warmer weather of Florida so that they can be closer to family. This is a big deal for my father, especially. He LOVES his condo in Florida. But, it's getting to be too much. What's hardest for me to witness is his realization of his aging. His memory and weakened body frustrates him. I am looking forward to spending more time with him once they make the move back up north. At the same time, I am preparing myself to become more of the care-giver (which I was when he lived with us this past summer), giving his wife some respite to take care of her own health concerns (which are significant). It'll be a team-work effort, not doubt.

    I do look forward to reading other people's experience(s) with the whole getting older thing. It's a universal reality. Without a doubt, it has plenty of positives and rewards. But it also has its frustrations and challenges.
  5. by   BCgradnurse
    It's funny you bring this up now, Ted. I'm soon to be 55, and lately I've been thinking about how I have less time left on earth then I've already lived. I also would love to retire now, but it's not feasible. I'm working 2 jobs now. This is not where I thought I would be at this stage of the game, but it's not horrible either. I want to be able to travel and do things before I'm physically unable to do so. I already see that I don't have quite the energy and stamina I had in my 30s. It is a bit depressing.
  6. by   Ted
    BCgradnurse - When I was in my early 20s, I never thought that I would be a nurse (after attending a music college). Life is full of unexpected changes, that's for sure! I certainly share your frustrations with being work-bound. It ain't horrible! But it does limit choices. It's that "Limiting Choices" that's a bit depressing sometimes.
  7. by   amoLucia
    Life's a ***** to get old. I'm experiencing something too. I've felt more vulnerable since last October when I had that fall. And since this new year, I've had to make numerous decisions re insurances, Medicare, finances, etc. I've come to the realization that I am woefully ignorant of some things in life that I took for granted until I was thrust into it.

    Haven't had to do taxes past few years. Now this year, I had to file 2015 (got a big fat $3 refund) and back-file for 2014 compliments of Obamacare. Had to start taking Tagamet for the agita!

    Health & finances; finances & health. Funny how they're so intertwined. You always figure there'll be time. My financial wizard sister has helped me thru all the paperwork. Now my next paperwork project is to project a financial picture/budget - an ASSETS/LIABILITIES profile just so my sisters have some idea. I do have my advanced directives & will done (years ago) and I have a V.I.P. folder with important papers. But I really do need to tweak the data with number$ etc. And get a POLST for my refirg.

    I've done some downsizing, albeit NOT ENOUGH! So much stuff! But it is such a downer to do it.

    So I'm past the middle age stuff. I've never felt my chronological age matched my mental, but they're getting much closer. And I don't like it.
  8. by   Ted
    amoLucia - I'm a little "out of the loop" with regards to the fall that you had. What a dreadful experience. The financial part of healthcare is very bewildering, to say the least. (It shouldn't be.) I hope that you're healing well after your fall, amoLucia. . .
  9. by   amoLucia
    ITFor years, have had BAD knees and became dep on a walker. Last October I fell & needed to do the Life Alert 'help, I've fallen ... button'. I was 911 assisted and fortunately OK. But it has been life-changing vulnerability awareness. And general life stuff continues.

    So mix all that with totally UNrelated issues of insurance/Obamacare. >>>NJ Familycare (aka 'caid). All stuff really not well versed in but requiring absolute decision making.

    Final end result was 4 different insurances with a 5 month period following within deadlines. Medicare since March and IRS for good measure. To say 'life's a beach' is an understatement.

    I don't do well with advancing birthdays and 65 Medicare is another one of those milestone ages (like 16, 21, menopause, etc). I just feel 'hammered'.

    In your past posts & this one, I can empathize absolutely. It just seems so much more distressful when it starts culminating at once after creeping up. Personal health, career, finances, family, etc and what is so damn **************** is we're really pretty much impotent to FIX it.

    I think we'd all manage better if we all could take things one thing at a time. Asking for a lot, ain't I? I know I'm not alone. I can think of 4 others here with major stressful life issues.

    So to others who post here with similar life crises (even if you're just reading along), I hold good thoughts out to y'all.
  10. by   No Stars In My Eyes
    I don't have time to post right now; it's almost 2 AM and I've finally wound-down after three 12's in a row, plus my 'puter has a case of the lags...I just wanted to fold down the corner of the page so I can come back sometime tomorrow and add my 2 cents...
  11. by   VivaLasViejas
    I'm past the whole midlife crisis stuff too, though some of it is because I'm already on Social Security (disability) and dealing with that whole fixed-income thing. I'm too young to be old, and too old to be middle-aged...it feels like I really don't fit in anywhere. My health isn't what it should be, and I don't bounce back from illness as I used to even five or ten years ago. But I do enjoy not having to work, even if I'm not happy about the reasons why. I miss nursing, but I don't miss the politics or the petty BS administration imposes on nurses for no reason other than to make themselves look good in front of surveyors. I don't miss the crushing workloads either. But I do miss making a difference in people's lives, taking care of them and fixing their problems as much as I'm able.

    Ah, well...
  12. by   No Stars In My Eyes
    Viva, I know for a fact you make a difference in the lives of people here on AN. I know it isn't the same as working with patients, but it ain't no small 'taters neither.

    I guess I'm through and past middle-age, being almost 67. (in 3 months) Mentally and emotionally I like being older because I have ceased being so self-conscious, which really is a nice relief. And mostly I have gone through and resolved some fairly serious emotional problems from way long time ago. They never disappear, but you can get them to loosen their vise-like grip with therapy and decent meds.

    Physically, this age brings some rude shocks; you almost never think of it happening to your OWN self, you know, even when you know it will eventually! Aches, creaks and groans, not being as agile; getting all the moles and stuff on your skin that used to gross you out when you saw your grandmother in a bathing suit...and of course, Mean Old Mr. Gravity, who lets you know that since gravity is the LAW, you cannot escape it! Certain things just give up being 'pert' after a while, even with architecturally designed under-garments.

    Do you remember when some older person would tell you not to make a certain face "because it will FREEZE that way"? Alas, alack, it is true! The repetition of a facial movement over the years builds up to a permanent feature. ACH! AUGH! Years of smoking gave me that 'feathered' upper lip; vigorously rubbing my eyes has given that thin skin a crepe-like texture, and since I have had a habit of frowning in concentration, I have the nice || between my eyebrows. If you don't believe it can happen to you, live and learn! And to top it all off, I can see that I am losing some of my nicely plumping interstitial tissue!

    When 'they' say "OLD AGE IS NOT FOR SISSIES, they aren't kidding. It sounds cute to say it that way, but it is also true. I don't even consider myself to be in Old Age yet, but I am getting pretty profound hints of things to come. I am trying to lessen the effects by, you know, all that eating right and exercising, etc, etc., but even knowing what I know I fall short.

    I have been on Soc Sec (retirement) for a while now. Thank goodness I can still work (and grouse about it), but I don't have to deal with workplace politics! Private duty is just right for me, if I have to work, which I do. When I got my first SS check, I thought WOW! I can DO this! Now hubby is on SS too, and even with both checks being pretty good amounts, it is still a struggle. If you add up the two checks and divide it by four (weeks) it is just one good paycheck like hubby earned when he was a grocery-chain truck driver, or when I was working as a nurse. Even though it's a good amount, it is just one person's take-home and there ARE two of us... plus the dogs. And I hate to say it, but I hope any future canines/felines we might own do NOT require professional grooming!

    So, life goes on, for the most part, part insult and part hilarity. Enjoy and appreciate every little thing you can, to help tide you over when the going gets tough. If you live long enough that you can't DO practically anything, at least you'll have memories...IF you are lucky.
  13. by   FranEMTnurse
    How did I get here so fast? It seems like just a couple years ago I was in high school. Nowgo-pee-jpg
  14. by   No Stars In My Eyes
    When you get older, it takes a lot more time to do nothing.

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